Well, this week has been less than desireable.....
Due to increadibly emotionally draining weekend my voice lessons this week have been awful. Apparently that much crying really screws up my vocal chords and I've just been emotionally drained so it's been to the point that I'm just so physically worn out...all week...
Auditions were on Wednesday and I felt that mine went fairly well, but now they aren't posting the call back list for Street Scene until next week = weekend of mental torcher.
And to top it all off I've had the death thoughts returning A LOT this week.
........... so basically I feel like a complete nut case............
"Life will be brighter than noonday, and darkness will become like morning. You will be secure, because there is hope; you will look about you and take your rest in safety. You will lie down, with no one to make you afraid, and many will court your favor." -Job 11:17-19
"Show me your ways, O LORD, teach me your paths; guide me in your truth and teach me, for you are God my Savior, and my hope is in you all day long. Remember, O LORD, your great mercy and love, for they are from of old." -Psalm 25:4-6
"In him our hearts rejoice, for we trust in his holy name. May your unfailing love rest upon us, O LORD, even as we put our hope in you." -Psalm 33:21-22
"Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God." -Psalm 42:5
I hope that the week will get easier. I hate that these thoughts are entering back into my mind. And I feel as if I'm a burden still to those who I've talked to about what's been on my mind lately. It's gradually becoming easier as the week progresses, but it's still difficult. Today I could cry at the drop of a hat. I am just competely drained and I hope that church on Sunday will help revive me. The most difficult part will be getting through my Friday/ Saturday shifts at work this weekend. That is where I feel most alone and vulnerable to my thoughts...note to self go buy some books to read before my shift tomorrow.
On a side note though I do get to hang out with my Little on Saturday morning. I'm picking her up in the morning and we are going bowling and grabbing some lunch afterwards. I'm hoping that it will provide a release for me as well as her.
I just really need to be around happy people. Joy is contagious and boy do I need some. Right now in my life I can't stand to be alone. Normally I don't have a problem with it, I'm kind of used to being a loner, but now I think I've just had too much time alone. I need to be around my strong Christian friends and happy people. God did provide the opportunity for me to spend time with people tonight and for that I'm truly grateful. He knows my needs and he fufills them. Keep me in your prayers and if you would like to hang out sometime this week I would love to have the opportunity to enjoy your company.
"I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God. Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen." -Ephesians 3:16-21
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