Freakout...wah!

So I am in the usual freak out mode for opera auditions this year. I am freaking out more than usual this year because there are so many grad students, very talented grad students, and being a senior I don't want to not have a part. I wasn't planning on auditioning for the fall opera because I need to pay off my debt from this summer and I can't afford to not work less than 3 shifts a week. I now want to audition because I'm afraid that I won't have a role.


In the book "Reckless Faith" by Beth Gugenberger that I've been reading, it talks about learning how to stop making all of these back up plans and learn to just trust in God. I have to learn how to let go, because I really don't have any control anyways.


I'm afraid what will happen if I'm not in a show. It scares me and I'm not sure what I will do because performing is what I live for. I want my directors to be understanding of the fact that I have to work otherwise I won't be able to afford to pay my bills, food and pay off my debt. I would love to be in both shows, but I just can't afford it. If I auditioned for the fall opera, I would have to rearrange my voice students, find someone to cover part of my shift at work on Fridays and take a pay cut, wouldn't be able to get out of debt and struggle to make minimum payments, and miss the Bible study I REQUESTED (aka not acceptable). I want them to be understanding of my situation, but it's so hard to not have any control over it and to know who and what my competition is. I'm so upset and worried and ACK!


So I'm not sure what the future holds, but I'm trying my best to let God handle it without making my own back up plans.


"Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight." -Proverbs 3: 5-6