Nostalgic

Well, needless to say based on my subject heading I feel loads better today, with the exception of actually getting a good look at my bruises, one of which on my back thigh is truly a black/purple sight to behold.


A great deal of my anger is gone today, as well as the majority of my frustration. Yesterday was one of those days when everything hits you at once, and being increadibly tired and sore does not help things. I'm not taking anything away from how I felt yesterday and how I still feel today, but I have a peace about those things today that wasn't there yesterday. This I know is only God's doing. It is His way of letting me know that everything will work out. He answered 3 of my prayers today and I know that there will be more answered prayer in the future.
I think the majority of His peace comes to me in music. Today I took myself out to lunch. It's something that I feel that I should do, even if I don't have anyone to go out to eat with me, I need to remind myself that it's okay to go out to eat at a restaurant or to a movie by myself. I occasionally get frustrated with the looks of pity I receive as I tell the hostess that it's a table of one, but life goes on. I went to Bella Luna today just for some hummas and a cup of tea. It was just such a calm for me. I have been on the go so much, and despite the fact that I've been sick for over a week, I never took the time to relax. Today lots of memories hit me as I ate lunch. There was a musician playing inside and I watched 3 finches have a tug of war outside with a piece of soft pita. Honestly there is something about watching birds and squirrels that is just enjoyable and relaxing.


I often remember my grandmother watching the birds and squirrels with me. I think of her a great deal this time of the year. Her birthday was October 29 and she passed away within a few days of that almost 10 years ago. It seems absolutely insane that it's been that long. I never really stopped to count how many years it's been. None the less I still think about her this time of year. She was my best friend growing up. I still miss her, immensely. I miss her smelling of vicks vapor rub, watching "The Young and the Restless" and "The Lawrence Welk Show" even though I was only in elementary school at the time, playing rummy, attempting to help her cook, sewing doll dresses, grocery shopping with her and my aunt every saturday and climbing the shelves for the items they couldn't reach, hearing this ridiculous sniff my grandma did 24/7 which made her easy to locate....so many memories. I didn't cry when we found her. I didn't cry when the paramedics took her away. I only cried when everyone left and I crawled into her bed to remember how she smelled. Wow this faith blog took a different direction than I was planning. I think I miss her more this year than I ever have before. Long story short, I thought of her today as I watched the birds outside of the restaurant. I think a majority of the reason why I've finally allowed myself to miss her is because I always knew how she felt about me as a child or as a teenager. I want to know how she would view me as a woman. I still want her words of wisdom and encouragement, her sarcasm and humor, how she would view me going to college for music, etc. Her opinion of me, after to my parents', was the most important.


It is one of those things that just naturally comes with this season for me. But as I sat and watched the birds, I couldn't help but smile and forget some of the things weighing on my heart. My grandma was on to something with this whole bird/squirrel watching bit. It reminded me of the scripture I heard on the radio this morning, "let all that have breath praise the lord." Notice that there isn't the word people in there. Everything that has breath....Today I learned a lesson I'm sure my grandmother learned long ago. Man is created in God's image, but the animal kingdom also glorifies our creator as well. Basically I'm just saying that we should all stop and admire the handiwork of our Creator. Yes the universe is huge and we are so increadibly small, but even in the vastness of the universe God took the time to create such detail in each bird, flower, etc. Look at His handiwork and admire that he took such time and effort in the smallest of creatures on this little blue speck we call Earth in the whole of the universe. That He was willing and is still willing to put so much time and energy into our lives. It's pretty breathtaking in my book.