fogged up future

So I just got back to KCMO from Rochester, NY today. I'm sorry I couldn't post blogs while I was there, severe lack of internet access. But I had a lovely trip all the same :) It is a hard thing to see where God is guiding you at times....sometimes I think it's because I'm not ready to see what that destination is. I don't mean to make this entry self focused, but I think it is an issue that several of you may be able to relate to. I am currently looking for a grad school, each of which much farther from KCMO.


I struggle with being so far from my family, especially since my sister is going to high school and my parents, but especially my mom, would hate to have me so far from home. I don't know if she will read this or not, but I'm just going to say what I think about it anyways. I worry about her, a lot. I never realized just how similar we are in nature. For the longest time I used to always feel so lonely, but that is what I see going on inside of her now. She seems lonely and my dad works a ton and my little sister, the last of the kids, will be in high school next year. Time just flies, but I am afraid to go so far from KCMO. I feel like she needs me here with her. It's not that I don't want to be with her either, I don't want to live far from them either. But I don't want to ignore God's direction if it is his will that I go somewhere else.I'm trying to see where God is directing me. I don't know if it will be to Rochester or UMKC or who knows where else. I was so ready to get out of KCMO and go to college, but Wichita seems so much like home I can't imagine leaving yet. Part of me wonders if I should go away to grad school for a few years then move back to Wichita or KCMO and try to get a job as an adjunct faculty voice teacher. That way I could be close to home and near a major airport as well. I'm usually very excited and a little bit afraid of what the future holds, but this time around I'm very afraid and a little excited. Strange huh? I know that God will direct me in the way I should go, but sometimes it's hard not to be afraid when we can't see where he's leading us. I still have plenty of time to think about all of these things, but it will take lots of prayer and careful consideration. What I need to do is put ALL of my trust in God. These fears are natural reactions, but they show that I'm not completely trusting Him with these issues.


Prayer requests _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _


*Elsa & son, David- for healing spiritually and emotionally


*Nicki, Scott, Zack, & Hannah- Scott is being sent to Iraq tomorrow, pray for him and family and all of their safety while they are apart


*Country and our financial crisis that effects families and individuals


*Me to see clearly what God's will is for my next chapter in life.