Hello all!
So God provided me with an amazing opportunity yesterday. A friend of mine whom I haven't seen in a few months randomly sends me a message via facebook chat. She asked, "How do you know if you are a good person?"
I told her that my belief/opinion on that is probably quite different from most people's because I was a Christian and she said she really wanted to hear what I thought. WOW! What an opportunity to share God's message with someone who doesn't know Him!!! I told her that no one is good. We are constantly battling between what is right (our soul that God created us with) and what is wrong (our sinful nature). As human beings we are constantly causing others pain as well as hurting ourselves in this life. But the neat part is that because of Christ's sacrifice for us, we are redeemed and made "good" in God's eyes. She said that she really like that response to her question and that she's just gone through a rough break up/ having lots of family issues. I invited her to come over to my apartment later that night. One of my good guy friends just went through a rough break up and I had already invited him over to watch a movie, so I thought it would be a fun evening for all.
They both got to my place around 10pm and we watched Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone. Bronnie and I are fans and my other friend Neal has not seen the movies or read the books. But we all had a good time and Neal left around 2am (this is REALLY late! Even for me!) but Bronnie stayed for a while more. I asked her what else was going on in her life and she opened up and shared a great deal with me. But in short she left around 4:30am! We spent 2 hours talking about how much God loves her and how He has a plan for her, wants to help her, and desperately wants her to talk with Him. I read her some Psalms...Psalm #4, #8, and #37. I read her the parable of the lillies of the field and the birds of the air/ about worrying. In short, it was a WONDERFUL night, well morning in this case. We prayed together. I started and prayed for her, her family, and even her recently ex-boyfriend because it sounded like he was struggling with things too. She looked at me after I finished and kept saying, "I don't know what I should say." I just told her that God is always here, just like I am with her and he hears us always. We don't have to have an elegant speach, just to talk to him like you do with your friends. And I told her, if you are mad at Him tell Him, and it's not wrong to be upset, but just know that He is in control and that he will always rescue you. She started crying and prayed to her heavenly Father. She asked Him to help her, her family and her ex. It was an amazing night. I loaned her my book Captivating by Staci and John Eldridge and I gave her my tiny Gideon Bible with New Testament, Psalms, and Proverbs. I hope that the book Captivating will help her better understand how God fashioned her heart and how men and women were intended to work together.
Today I got a text from her saying that she felt MUCH better, a little sad, but better. What an amazing gift God gave to me in seeing His work bear fruit! We do not always get to see the growth of the seeds we plant...it's all in God's time....but what an incredible moment when He allows us to see that seed take root, grow, and bear fruit! I continue to pray for my friends who "don't believe in God" or just haven't taken the time to get to know Him yet. I try to live my life in a God serving/pleasing way and it's been in my experience that actions speak louder than words. People see that you are different and they know that they can come to you with their troubles because there is a peace that surrounds you. God's peace that surpasses all understanding is something that believers and non believers alike crave in this world. There is nothing else like it. The believers know that it is through God that you receive this peace, and it is up to us as believers to share that truth with the non believers.
I'm off to read my Psalm for the day and celebrate God's wonderful opportunities!!!
Friday, June 26, 2009
Saturday, June 20, 2009
Dear Daddy...
So now that I've transfered all of my old faith blogs to my blogspot account...on to new blogging!
I've recently started writing what I call my Dear Daddy Letters. I bought several little journals and have started writting letters to my heavenly father. It's been fantastic! I always hated the usual journaling stuff because who really wants to make out an entry starting with Dear Diary...Not me! But this is a great way for me to pray!!! Sometimes I find that I can better express my thoughts and prayers in written words verses spoken words, it just depends. But when I write, it's almost like just sending Him one of those "Thinking of you" or "Hi there!" cards that you find in the Hallmark store. Or even just a lengthy text message. Cheesy though, I know, but it works wonders.
I've also decided to take on a project that will enlighten me more about my Daddy. I decided to start reading the Psalms, one per day, and studying it's meaning in context and how it applies to my life. It's been extremely beneficial thus far and I would highly recommend it to anyone! The Psalms to me as a musician are some of the easiest scriptures for me to relate to. David had a gift for song and poetry and boy did he use them! The Psalms to me are some of the most comforting scriptures. In short, they are just good for the soul.
We've had a great gift of rain this morning here in Wichita. I absolutely love the rain!!! I love the calming effect that it has on me when I hear the drops hit the roof and window panes. It's my favorite excuse to stay inside and curl up with a blanket, a good book, and a cup of tea. I've said it before and I'll say it again. The simple pleasures in life are some of the greatest gifts God gives us. You just have to look for them. The world has desensitized us and has encouraged us to take these simple gifts for granted. They encourage us to think that we are so important that we don't see the marvolous works of the Creator's hands.
I challenge you all today to find a Psalm that inspires you and to rediscover one of God's simple gifts!
I've recently started writing what I call my Dear Daddy Letters. I bought several little journals and have started writting letters to my heavenly father. It's been fantastic! I always hated the usual journaling stuff because who really wants to make out an entry starting with Dear Diary...Not me! But this is a great way for me to pray!!! Sometimes I find that I can better express my thoughts and prayers in written words verses spoken words, it just depends. But when I write, it's almost like just sending Him one of those "Thinking of you" or "Hi there!" cards that you find in the Hallmark store. Or even just a lengthy text message. Cheesy though, I know, but it works wonders.
I've also decided to take on a project that will enlighten me more about my Daddy. I decided to start reading the Psalms, one per day, and studying it's meaning in context and how it applies to my life. It's been extremely beneficial thus far and I would highly recommend it to anyone! The Psalms to me as a musician are some of the easiest scriptures for me to relate to. David had a gift for song and poetry and boy did he use them! The Psalms to me are some of the most comforting scriptures. In short, they are just good for the soul.
We've had a great gift of rain this morning here in Wichita. I absolutely love the rain!!! I love the calming effect that it has on me when I hear the drops hit the roof and window panes. It's my favorite excuse to stay inside and curl up with a blanket, a good book, and a cup of tea. I've said it before and I'll say it again. The simple pleasures in life are some of the greatest gifts God gives us. You just have to look for them. The world has desensitized us and has encouraged us to take these simple gifts for granted. They encourage us to think that we are so important that we don't see the marvolous works of the Creator's hands.
I challenge you all today to find a Psalm that inspires you and to rediscover one of God's simple gifts!
Sunday, June 14, 2009
Do you really trust in all things?
Alrighty...here goes....
So my mother told me last night that my great aunt Jo has breast cancer. Apparently Jo has know for about 4 months and didn't say a word to anyone. This would be her mamma bear side of not wanting to cause anyone more pain than needed. She is going to have an operation with in the next week and then they will be able to see how far along it is. My mom seems to think that it is probably pretty far along, but we won't know for sure until they go in and investigate.
When my mom called and told me last night, I didn't get cry or get upset in the slightest. Some might think that I am a hard hearted person for not reacting like that. When my grandmother died suddenly, I didn't get upset or cry initially either. It wasn't until later after everyone had left did I let the information sink in. I feel that it is much the same way with my great aunt. We don't know how much it has progressed yet, so I'm not going to start worrying until we do find out. I am increadibly aware how upsetting it is to my aunt Dana (Jo's daughter), cousin Ashley and Ryan (Jo's grandkids), and my mother. I feel that God is just asking me to be a comforter. I love Jo a lot too. But for some reason I just have a peace about the situation for the time being. All I know to do is to just trust my heavenly Father to use this situation for the greater good. This may be a way He can touch the hearts of my family members and form a greater bond with them. I find that it is when we are put through trying times that we rely on Him more. It should be Him we always turn to first, but majority of the time we turn to ourselves to fix things. With that method we just make matters worse.
In a connecting note, this reminds me of a new favorite novel, Cold Sassy Tree by Olive Ann Burns. In the book a young boy is constantly asking his grandfather what Christ really meant when he said, "Ask and ye shall receive". The boy pointed out that he could ask for a thousand dollars and Christ didn't give it to him. Towards the end of the novel, the grandfather finally has an answer for his grandson, which I love:
He says "Well'm, faith ain't no magic wand or money-back gar'ntee, either one.....Hit means you go'n be holdin' on to God in good or bad times, and you accept whatever happens. Hit means you respect life like it is---like God made it---even when it ain't what you'd order from the wholesale house. Faith don't mean the Lord is go'n make lions lay down with lambs jest cause you ast him to, or make fire not burn. Some folks, when they pray to git well and don't even git better, they say God let'm down. But I say thet warn't even what Jesus was a-talkin' bout. When Jesus said ast and you'll git it, He was givin' a gar'nree a-spiritual healin' not body healin'. He was sayin' thet if'n you git beat down---scairt to death you cain't do what you got to, or scairt you go'n die, or scairt folks won't like you---why, all you got to do is put yore hand in God's and He'll lift you up. I know it for a fact, Love. I can pray, 'Lord, hep me not be scairt,' and I dont know how, but it's like a eraser wipes the fears away. And I found out long time ago, when I look on what I got to stand as a dang hardship or a burden, it seems too heavy to carry. But when I look on the same dang thang as a challenge, why, standin' it or acceptin' it is like you done entered a contest. Hit even gits excitin', waitin' to see how everthang's go'n turn out......Jesus meant us to ast God to hep us stand the pain, not beg Him to take the pain away. We can ast for comfort and hope and patience and courage, and to be gracious when thangs ain't goin' our way, and we'll git what we ast for. They ain't no gar'ntee thet we ain't go'n have no troubles and aint go'n die. But shore as frogs croak and cows bellow, God'll forgive us if'n we ast Him to."
I just think that there is so much truth in that. God has tried to tell us numerous times in His word and in our daily lives that our spiritual well being is much more important that the physical time we have on this earth. We can enjoy the time we have to the fullest, but because of sin entering into the world, we have to accept the fact that hardships, disease, and death are apart of that life now. God didn't make the hardships, disease or death-sin created that. Sin's greatest accomplishment is breaking relationships: between God and man and also man and man. There is a peace that God brings that "surpasses all understanding". And it's true. There is nothing like it in this world. We should ask for the things of a spiritual nature, not the physical nature. As I'm running out of battery on my laptop...I hope that you will ponder on these things and think about what that means in your own lives.
So my mother told me last night that my great aunt Jo has breast cancer. Apparently Jo has know for about 4 months and didn't say a word to anyone. This would be her mamma bear side of not wanting to cause anyone more pain than needed. She is going to have an operation with in the next week and then they will be able to see how far along it is. My mom seems to think that it is probably pretty far along, but we won't know for sure until they go in and investigate.
When my mom called and told me last night, I didn't get cry or get upset in the slightest. Some might think that I am a hard hearted person for not reacting like that. When my grandmother died suddenly, I didn't get upset or cry initially either. It wasn't until later after everyone had left did I let the information sink in. I feel that it is much the same way with my great aunt. We don't know how much it has progressed yet, so I'm not going to start worrying until we do find out. I am increadibly aware how upsetting it is to my aunt Dana (Jo's daughter), cousin Ashley and Ryan (Jo's grandkids), and my mother. I feel that God is just asking me to be a comforter. I love Jo a lot too. But for some reason I just have a peace about the situation for the time being. All I know to do is to just trust my heavenly Father to use this situation for the greater good. This may be a way He can touch the hearts of my family members and form a greater bond with them. I find that it is when we are put through trying times that we rely on Him more. It should be Him we always turn to first, but majority of the time we turn to ourselves to fix things. With that method we just make matters worse.
In a connecting note, this reminds me of a new favorite novel, Cold Sassy Tree by Olive Ann Burns. In the book a young boy is constantly asking his grandfather what Christ really meant when he said, "Ask and ye shall receive". The boy pointed out that he could ask for a thousand dollars and Christ didn't give it to him. Towards the end of the novel, the grandfather finally has an answer for his grandson, which I love:
He says "Well'm, faith ain't no magic wand or money-back gar'ntee, either one.....Hit means you go'n be holdin' on to God in good or bad times, and you accept whatever happens. Hit means you respect life like it is---like God made it---even when it ain't what you'd order from the wholesale house. Faith don't mean the Lord is go'n make lions lay down with lambs jest cause you ast him to, or make fire not burn. Some folks, when they pray to git well and don't even git better, they say God let'm down. But I say thet warn't even what Jesus was a-talkin' bout. When Jesus said ast and you'll git it, He was givin' a gar'nree a-spiritual healin' not body healin'. He was sayin' thet if'n you git beat down---scairt to death you cain't do what you got to, or scairt you go'n die, or scairt folks won't like you---why, all you got to do is put yore hand in God's and He'll lift you up. I know it for a fact, Love. I can pray, 'Lord, hep me not be scairt,' and I dont know how, but it's like a eraser wipes the fears away. And I found out long time ago, when I look on what I got to stand as a dang hardship or a burden, it seems too heavy to carry. But when I look on the same dang thang as a challenge, why, standin' it or acceptin' it is like you done entered a contest. Hit even gits excitin', waitin' to see how everthang's go'n turn out......Jesus meant us to ast God to hep us stand the pain, not beg Him to take the pain away. We can ast for comfort and hope and patience and courage, and to be gracious when thangs ain't goin' our way, and we'll git what we ast for. They ain't no gar'ntee thet we ain't go'n have no troubles and aint go'n die. But shore as frogs croak and cows bellow, God'll forgive us if'n we ast Him to."
I just think that there is so much truth in that. God has tried to tell us numerous times in His word and in our daily lives that our spiritual well being is much more important that the physical time we have on this earth. We can enjoy the time we have to the fullest, but because of sin entering into the world, we have to accept the fact that hardships, disease, and death are apart of that life now. God didn't make the hardships, disease or death-sin created that. Sin's greatest accomplishment is breaking relationships: between God and man and also man and man. There is a peace that God brings that "surpasses all understanding". And it's true. There is nothing like it in this world. We should ask for the things of a spiritual nature, not the physical nature. As I'm running out of battery on my laptop...I hope that you will ponder on these things and think about what that means in your own lives.
Peace that surpasses all understanding
It is another night at the old inn and here I am writing my faith blog .
God is so GOOD! Last night I was just having a difficult time with all the thoughts my heart and mind were dealing with, and God answers my unrealized prayer. One of my good friends, Rachel, called me and asked if I would want to come over after I got off work and spend some time catching up. I haven't seen her in a few months, and so I went over. I had the best time with her! We had chicken and steamed broccoli while we talked a bit and watched Sense and Sensibility. Given that we both fell asleep before the movie was over since we started it around 2am, but it was so good to be there. God knew that I needed an escape from my own thoughts and gave me Rachel. I would have never thought to text her or ask if she wanted to come over, but God just has a great plan. You think of all the places in the world and the people who live in it...you can think of the universe and it's vast contents...and yet God makes time to take care of each and every one of us, even when we don't ask for it. We are so small and insignificant, but He envelopes us with His love and care. What an awesome God we serve! He has just given me such a peace today. I feel rested, refreshed, and renewed. I know that He is hovering over me, I can feel His calming touch on my heart. He's just telling me to wait and be still and know that He is in charge of all aspects of my life in the present and future. I may worry about the issues on my heart down the road a bit, but I know that He is leading me every step of the way. Yesterday I got frustrated and said that I was upset because I couldn't see what route God wants me to take and if it was different than where my own heart wants to go....the truth dawned on me today. I'm not sure what or where I want to go, and I don't have to see where God is leading me! He will show me in His own time and I just need to be patient and wait. It is so comforting to know that my fate is not in my own hands! What a scary idea!!! It is much safer and better off in the hands of my Lord and Savior. I just need to remain plyable in His hands so that I might be a vessel He can use for His purpose.
On a side note, I have a prayer of thanksgiving. Elsa is doing much much much better! Her physical state is drastically changed since I saw her last. I went to visit her yesterday in the nursing home she is staying at while she recovers and goes through physical therapy. The color has returned to her face, she is able to breath normally, walk very fast (hehe), she has lost some of the excess weight, and her spirit is uplifted! Her son is miraculously still with us, however he is not eating or drinking anything and he won't last long this way. Elsa has already arranged the memorial service for May, his cremation, written the obituary, etc. She is obviously still in pain about it, but I feel that she has found some solice knowing that God is in control. My mother goes in to visit her several times a week, and it brings Elsa so much joy. I'm just so glad to know that she is doing better!
Please still keep my cousin Nikki and her family in your prayers. Her husband, Scott, left for Iraq yesterday and she still has her two small children, Zach and Hannah, to look after while he is gone for another year.Please also keep me in your prayers as I still have some issues that are weighing down on my mind.
God bless you all and if you have anyone to add to the prayer requests, please leave a comment!
God is so GOOD! Last night I was just having a difficult time with all the thoughts my heart and mind were dealing with, and God answers my unrealized prayer. One of my good friends, Rachel, called me and asked if I would want to come over after I got off work and spend some time catching up. I haven't seen her in a few months, and so I went over. I had the best time with her! We had chicken and steamed broccoli while we talked a bit and watched Sense and Sensibility. Given that we both fell asleep before the movie was over since we started it around 2am, but it was so good to be there. God knew that I needed an escape from my own thoughts and gave me Rachel. I would have never thought to text her or ask if she wanted to come over, but God just has a great plan. You think of all the places in the world and the people who live in it...you can think of the universe and it's vast contents...and yet God makes time to take care of each and every one of us, even when we don't ask for it. We are so small and insignificant, but He envelopes us with His love and care. What an awesome God we serve! He has just given me such a peace today. I feel rested, refreshed, and renewed. I know that He is hovering over me, I can feel His calming touch on my heart. He's just telling me to wait and be still and know that He is in charge of all aspects of my life in the present and future. I may worry about the issues on my heart down the road a bit, but I know that He is leading me every step of the way. Yesterday I got frustrated and said that I was upset because I couldn't see what route God wants me to take and if it was different than where my own heart wants to go....the truth dawned on me today. I'm not sure what or where I want to go, and I don't have to see where God is leading me! He will show me in His own time and I just need to be patient and wait. It is so comforting to know that my fate is not in my own hands! What a scary idea!!! It is much safer and better off in the hands of my Lord and Savior. I just need to remain plyable in His hands so that I might be a vessel He can use for His purpose.
On a side note, I have a prayer of thanksgiving. Elsa is doing much much much better! Her physical state is drastically changed since I saw her last. I went to visit her yesterday in the nursing home she is staying at while she recovers and goes through physical therapy. The color has returned to her face, she is able to breath normally, walk very fast (hehe), she has lost some of the excess weight, and her spirit is uplifted! Her son is miraculously still with us, however he is not eating or drinking anything and he won't last long this way. Elsa has already arranged the memorial service for May, his cremation, written the obituary, etc. She is obviously still in pain about it, but I feel that she has found some solice knowing that God is in control. My mother goes in to visit her several times a week, and it brings Elsa so much joy. I'm just so glad to know that she is doing better!
Please still keep my cousin Nikki and her family in your prayers. Her husband, Scott, left for Iraq yesterday and she still has her two small children, Zach and Hannah, to look after while he is gone for another year.Please also keep me in your prayers as I still have some issues that are weighing down on my mind.
God bless you all and if you have anyone to add to the prayer requests, please leave a comment!
fogged up future
So I just got back to KCMO from Rochester, NY today. I'm sorry I couldn't post blogs while I was there, severe lack of internet access. But I had a lovely trip all the same :) It is a hard thing to see where God is guiding you at times....sometimes I think it's because I'm not ready to see what that destination is. I don't mean to make this entry self focused, but I think it is an issue that several of you may be able to relate to. I am currently looking for a grad school, each of which much farther from KCMO.
I struggle with being so far from my family, especially since my sister is going to high school and my parents, but especially my mom, would hate to have me so far from home. I don't know if she will read this or not, but I'm just going to say what I think about it anyways. I worry about her, a lot. I never realized just how similar we are in nature. For the longest time I used to always feel so lonely, but that is what I see going on inside of her now. She seems lonely and my dad works a ton and my little sister, the last of the kids, will be in high school next year. Time just flies, but I am afraid to go so far from KCMO. I feel like she needs me here with her. It's not that I don't want to be with her either, I don't want to live far from them either. But I don't want to ignore God's direction if it is his will that I go somewhere else.I'm trying to see where God is directing me. I don't know if it will be to Rochester or UMKC or who knows where else. I was so ready to get out of KCMO and go to college, but Wichita seems so much like home I can't imagine leaving yet. Part of me wonders if I should go away to grad school for a few years then move back to Wichita or KCMO and try to get a job as an adjunct faculty voice teacher. That way I could be close to home and near a major airport as well. I'm usually very excited and a little bit afraid of what the future holds, but this time around I'm very afraid and a little excited. Strange huh? I know that God will direct me in the way I should go, but sometimes it's hard not to be afraid when we can't see where he's leading us. I still have plenty of time to think about all of these things, but it will take lots of prayer and careful consideration. What I need to do is put ALL of my trust in God. These fears are natural reactions, but they show that I'm not completely trusting Him with these issues.
Prayer requests _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
*Elsa & son, David- for healing spiritually and emotionally
*Nicki, Scott, Zack, & Hannah- Scott is being sent to Iraq tomorrow, pray for him and family and all of their safety while they are apart
*Country and our financial crisis that effects families and individuals
*Me to see clearly what God's will is for my next chapter in life.
I struggle with being so far from my family, especially since my sister is going to high school and my parents, but especially my mom, would hate to have me so far from home. I don't know if she will read this or not, but I'm just going to say what I think about it anyways. I worry about her, a lot. I never realized just how similar we are in nature. For the longest time I used to always feel so lonely, but that is what I see going on inside of her now. She seems lonely and my dad works a ton and my little sister, the last of the kids, will be in high school next year. Time just flies, but I am afraid to go so far from KCMO. I feel like she needs me here with her. It's not that I don't want to be with her either, I don't want to live far from them either. But I don't want to ignore God's direction if it is his will that I go somewhere else.I'm trying to see where God is directing me. I don't know if it will be to Rochester or UMKC or who knows where else. I was so ready to get out of KCMO and go to college, but Wichita seems so much like home I can't imagine leaving yet. Part of me wonders if I should go away to grad school for a few years then move back to Wichita or KCMO and try to get a job as an adjunct faculty voice teacher. That way I could be close to home and near a major airport as well. I'm usually very excited and a little bit afraid of what the future holds, but this time around I'm very afraid and a little excited. Strange huh? I know that God will direct me in the way I should go, but sometimes it's hard not to be afraid when we can't see where he's leading us. I still have plenty of time to think about all of these things, but it will take lots of prayer and careful consideration. What I need to do is put ALL of my trust in God. These fears are natural reactions, but they show that I'm not completely trusting Him with these issues.
Prayer requests _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
*Elsa & son, David- for healing spiritually and emotionally
*Nicki, Scott, Zack, & Hannah- Scott is being sent to Iraq tomorrow, pray for him and family and all of their safety while they are apart
*Country and our financial crisis that effects families and individuals
*Me to see clearly what God's will is for my next chapter in life.
dumbed down religion
Hello all....sorry it's been so long since the last post, but I've had loads to think about. I am currently in Rochester,NY looking at a potential graduate school, Eastman School of Music. It has been absolutely fabulous so far. But enough about me, on to the matter at hand....So I usually go to my own church service before I go to my church jobs on Sunday mornings, simply because I do not get spiritually fed at these other church. Point being I got a surprising shock this past Sunday at the Congregational church I work at. There was a point that the pastor made that just screamed truth to me.We live in such a technologically advanced world. We have progressed so much in this fashion, despite the "dumbing down of america" phase that we've been in and are still in. Despite all of these advances in technology, knowledge, etc....we have not progressed that way in our faith! We have sugar coated the Gospel/ Bible so that we shut our ears to any law. We are so afraid of offending those around us with our religious ideals that we simply don't speak about it at all. The founding fathers of this country came here to further study and practice their religion/faith. Despite what the times tell us, you can not separate church and state. Our government was founded on Christian principles, how can one possibly expect a separation of their government and the beliefs on which they were founded? I'm not saying that we should lash out at people, no! Nor should we try to prove that we are right, however....whatever happened to just religions discussion and study? We shouldn't turn all of it into a debate! Listen to what God says about this in Colossians:
"Be wise in the way you act toward outsiders; make the most of every opportunity. Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone." -Colossians 4:5-6
Not only have we become a society that has gone against speaking about one's faith, we have also dumbed it down...there is so much to learn, study and discover in God's word!!!! Just jump in and start exploring! Unfortunately I have to sum up this entry rather quickly, but do not be afraid to talk about your beliefs. Just because you speak about it doesn't mean that you have to prove yourself right about everything, however be diligent in your study of God's word and have the occasional religious topical discussions. They are truly eye opening.
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ __ _ _Prayer requests:
-Elsa in the hospital and her dying son. Please pray for healing spiritually and physically for both.
-Scott going back to Iraq this week. Please pray for his safety and protection of him and his family while they are apart.
-Our country and families going under financial crisis.
-A small one for me for safe travels back home on Thursday morning.
"Be wise in the way you act toward outsiders; make the most of every opportunity. Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone." -Colossians 4:5-6
Not only have we become a society that has gone against speaking about one's faith, we have also dumbed it down...there is so much to learn, study and discover in God's word!!!! Just jump in and start exploring! Unfortunately I have to sum up this entry rather quickly, but do not be afraid to talk about your beliefs. Just because you speak about it doesn't mean that you have to prove yourself right about everything, however be diligent in your study of God's word and have the occasional religious topical discussions. They are truly eye opening.
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ __ _ _Prayer requests:
-Elsa in the hospital and her dying son. Please pray for healing spiritually and physically for both.
-Scott going back to Iraq this week. Please pray for his safety and protection of him and his family while they are apart.
-Our country and families going under financial crisis.
-A small one for me for safe travels back home on Thursday morning.
bad jealousy vs. good jealousy
So...Have you ever wondered why God has described Himself as a "jealous" God?
"Do not worship any other god, for the LORD, whose name is Jealous, is a jealous God." -Exodus 34:14
Some dictionary definitions for jealous are as follows:
Jealous- Having to do with or arising from feelings of envy, apprehension, or bitterness.
Jealous-Vigilant in guarding something
Jealous-Intolerant of disloyalty or infidelity; autocratic: a jealous God.
So these can create quite a different meaning depending on the context. In context of our human nature it usually has the connotation of being a sin. We have the mind set of you have something that I want and I wish you harm for it....for an example, anyways. But for God is has a whole different context. I really like the 2nd definition of jealous best. "Vigilant in guarding something" makes the passage from Exodus so moving. God is "intolerant of disloyalty or infidelity". He will become vigilant in guarding your relationship with Him. How increadible is that?!?!?!!!!!!! God loves us so much that He will fight for our relationship with Him. In our sinful nature we can make "idols" out of things in our life; people, work, money, etc. But God will fight vigilantly for us....do you know the exact meaning of the word vigilant? Here's my favorite definition: Vigilant-ever awake and alert; sleeplessly watchful. God is always alert to when our sinful nature tries to pry us away from our relationship with Him...this is a righteous jealousy! Notice that there is not a drop of evil in this kind of jealousy, it is a pure desire and emotion. We should all strive to have this kind of "good jealousy" in our lives. In turn we should have the same kind of jealous attitude toward our Father. We should be vigilant in protecting and craving our relationship with Him.
"As the deer pants for streams of water, so my soul pants for you, O God. My soul thirsts for God, for the living God. When can I go and meet with God? " -Psalm 42:1-2
This should always be our attitude! I know that the more I discover about my Creator, the more time I want to spend with Him...We will never fully understand God while we are on this earth. We will be able to understand glimses of Him, but this should be all the more reason to search the scriptures to gain knowledge about Him. I hope you all have had a good day. Don't forget that even though the world is full of hardships and difficulties, know that the Lord your God is always with you. Talk to him about what is going on in your life. Tell Him your troubles and give thanks to Him for your blessings. Build that relationship with Him.
Prayer Requests_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
---So I would still like for you all to keep Elsa and her son in your prayers.
---Also my cousin's husband has to go over to Iraq again at the end of the week. This is his 4th deployment, so please keep him, my cousin and their children in your prayers as they prepare to do without him for another 10-11 months.
---I'd like to include an overall prayer for those individuals and families without jobs or income. This is a very rough time in our nation in terms of several things, but finance is a big one. Pray for those families that God would provide as He sees fit. Who knows, maybe you are apart of a way He will provide for them?
"Do not worship any other god, for the LORD, whose name is Jealous, is a jealous God." -Exodus 34:14
Some dictionary definitions for jealous are as follows:
Jealous- Having to do with or arising from feelings of envy, apprehension, or bitterness.
Jealous-Vigilant in guarding something
Jealous-Intolerant of disloyalty or infidelity; autocratic: a jealous God.
So these can create quite a different meaning depending on the context. In context of our human nature it usually has the connotation of being a sin. We have the mind set of you have something that I want and I wish you harm for it....for an example, anyways. But for God is has a whole different context. I really like the 2nd definition of jealous best. "Vigilant in guarding something" makes the passage from Exodus so moving. God is "intolerant of disloyalty or infidelity". He will become vigilant in guarding your relationship with Him. How increadible is that?!?!?!!!!!!! God loves us so much that He will fight for our relationship with Him. In our sinful nature we can make "idols" out of things in our life; people, work, money, etc. But God will fight vigilantly for us....do you know the exact meaning of the word vigilant? Here's my favorite definition: Vigilant-ever awake and alert; sleeplessly watchful. God is always alert to when our sinful nature tries to pry us away from our relationship with Him...this is a righteous jealousy! Notice that there is not a drop of evil in this kind of jealousy, it is a pure desire and emotion. We should all strive to have this kind of "good jealousy" in our lives. In turn we should have the same kind of jealous attitude toward our Father. We should be vigilant in protecting and craving our relationship with Him.
"As the deer pants for streams of water, so my soul pants for you, O God. My soul thirsts for God, for the living God. When can I go and meet with God? " -Psalm 42:1-2
This should always be our attitude! I know that the more I discover about my Creator, the more time I want to spend with Him...We will never fully understand God while we are on this earth. We will be able to understand glimses of Him, but this should be all the more reason to search the scriptures to gain knowledge about Him. I hope you all have had a good day. Don't forget that even though the world is full of hardships and difficulties, know that the Lord your God is always with you. Talk to him about what is going on in your life. Tell Him your troubles and give thanks to Him for your blessings. Build that relationship with Him.
Prayer Requests_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
---So I would still like for you all to keep Elsa and her son in your prayers.
---Also my cousin's husband has to go over to Iraq again at the end of the week. This is his 4th deployment, so please keep him, my cousin and their children in your prayers as they prepare to do without him for another 10-11 months.
---I'd like to include an overall prayer for those individuals and families without jobs or income. This is a very rough time in our nation in terms of several things, but finance is a big one. Pray for those families that God would provide as He sees fit. Who knows, maybe you are apart of a way He will provide for them?
What is Man?
Hey hey! Two days in a row for an entry, how about that! Haha . What a wonderful today has been! I'm so thankful for the blessings God has given me! I am currently watching one of the Truth Project lessons that I had missed because of an opera rehearsal. It's the study of what is man. This study always blows my mind. In this study it asks what is man, and what is evil. The first and foremost important thing to remember is the duality that lies within ourselves....we were created in the image of God, but because of the fall into sin, we also carry our sinful nature.
"For if you live according to the sinful nature, you will die; but if by the Spirit you put to death the misdeeds of the body, you will live, because those who are led by the Spirit of God are sons of God." - Romans 8:13
"Put to death, therefore, whatever belongs to your earthly nature: sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires and greed, which is idolatry. Because of these, the wrath of God is coming. You used to walk in these ways, in the life you once lived. But now you must rid yourselves of all such things as these: anger, rage, malice, slander, and filthy language from your lips. Do not lie to each other, since you have taken off your old self with its practices and have put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge in the image of its Creator." - Colossians 3:5-10
"So I say, live by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the sinful nature. For the sinful nature desires what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the sinful nature. They are in conflict with each other, so that you do not do what you want." - Galatians 5:16-17
These are some verses that point out the constant battle that we face daily as believers. We struggle with the "old man" or our sinful nature. We battle the desire to do what we want, wanting to do things that do not follow God's desire for us. We also struggle to follow the "new man" or the desire of the Spirit, God's will. We were created in the image of God: "So God created man in His own image, in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them. " - Genesis 1:27
When man fell into sin, the desires of the flesh became part of our nature, what is now known as our human nature. It is corrupt in every capacity. "You cannot slander human nature: it is worse than words can paint it." C.H.Spurgeon It becomes so obvious to me on a daily basis how corrupt my human nature is, not to mention the world's human nature as a whole. This is the cause of evil. Evil is that which is not a desire of God. But God had/has a plan for us. He sent His Son to redeem us from our fallen state. Despite the fact that our sinful nature will always be apart of us here on this earth, we are still made in the image of God and will have His Spirit also within us to guide us. As Christians it can be increadibly wearing and hard facing this battle daily, but God is always with us.
"Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you."-Deuteronomy 31:6
"The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged." -Deuteronomy 31:8
"For the LORD loves the just and will not forsake his faithful ones. They will be protected forever" - Psalm 37:28a
God has made so many promises to never forsake those who believe on Him. I've come to realize that the best way to describe the best way to walk in the Spirit is this: Your relationship with God is just like any other relationship, it requires time, effort and communication. You are usually closest to the friends that you spend the most time with. You will not have a successful relationship with God if you do not spend time in His word and talk with Him. I find that sometimes I get so caught up in being busy that I don't always spend the time with Him that I should. It is amazing how much more clearly I can see His desire for my life and His plan for those around me when I spend time daily with Him. When you don't take the time for Him, it's almost as if my vision gets blured with everyday things and I don't see or hear Him as clearly because I have distanced myself. Our human nature wants us to live in complete contrast to God's will for us. This is why it is so crucial to have time with Him daily to have our minds stay clear of the world's confusion, so we can clearly see and hear Him in our lives.Today God has given me a surprise blessing that I could have never seen coming, in a financial form. I do not make tons of money, so it was so nice to have that blessing. I've also been listening to KLOVE Christian radio station today. They have been working with a group called Compassion. Today, 3/11/009 is Global Food Crisis Day. The statistics were unbelievable. Every seven seconds a child dies from starvation. I've heard several times today about the donations set up on the site. $13 a day can feed a child for a MONTH! I know that I don't make much, but because God has blessed me, I feel called to share the blessings that I receive. I went to the site and donated towards the cause. There is something so moving about knowing that God can use you as a tool to bring His blessings to others. It is the best gift that I could ever receive.
If you feel so inclined, please donate to this fabulous cause and group. I know that finances are tight, but if a poor and in debt college student could make a small donation, perhaps someone else might be able to as well. Here's the link below: Compassionhttp://www.compassion.com/global-food-crisis/?referer=98495&utm_campaign=gfcradio-klove-98495
As previously stated in yesterday's blog, I am starting the prayer chain part of this blog:Elsa, a good friend of mine has had several medical problems, and her adult son who lives in a different city is dying of HIV. He is not supposed to last more than a few more days, at most a week. She is in her 80's and she is physically not able to walk more that 3 feet, so she is trying to make her son's funeral arrangements and has asked me to go to the funeral for her. I also want to pray for her son. To my knowledge he is not a believer, but he is not dead yet. There is still time for God to work on his conscience, even though he may not be coherant most of the time. I ask that you would pray for Elsa and David that God would grant them both peace, restoration, and uplift their spirits. Especially that God would work on David's heart, that he would know Him as his Heavenly Father. If you have prayer requests, please just leave me a comment and I will add that to my list. I would love to pray for you or your loved ones. God has called us to fellowship together, and this includes lifting one another up in prayer. Have a wonderful night and God Bless!!!
"For if you live according to the sinful nature, you will die; but if by the Spirit you put to death the misdeeds of the body, you will live, because those who are led by the Spirit of God are sons of God." - Romans 8:13
"Put to death, therefore, whatever belongs to your earthly nature: sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires and greed, which is idolatry. Because of these, the wrath of God is coming. You used to walk in these ways, in the life you once lived. But now you must rid yourselves of all such things as these: anger, rage, malice, slander, and filthy language from your lips. Do not lie to each other, since you have taken off your old self with its practices and have put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge in the image of its Creator." - Colossians 3:5-10
"So I say, live by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the sinful nature. For the sinful nature desires what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the sinful nature. They are in conflict with each other, so that you do not do what you want." - Galatians 5:16-17
These are some verses that point out the constant battle that we face daily as believers. We struggle with the "old man" or our sinful nature. We battle the desire to do what we want, wanting to do things that do not follow God's desire for us. We also struggle to follow the "new man" or the desire of the Spirit, God's will. We were created in the image of God: "So God created man in His own image, in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them. " - Genesis 1:27
When man fell into sin, the desires of the flesh became part of our nature, what is now known as our human nature. It is corrupt in every capacity. "You cannot slander human nature: it is worse than words can paint it." C.H.Spurgeon It becomes so obvious to me on a daily basis how corrupt my human nature is, not to mention the world's human nature as a whole. This is the cause of evil. Evil is that which is not a desire of God. But God had/has a plan for us. He sent His Son to redeem us from our fallen state. Despite the fact that our sinful nature will always be apart of us here on this earth, we are still made in the image of God and will have His Spirit also within us to guide us. As Christians it can be increadibly wearing and hard facing this battle daily, but God is always with us.
"Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you."-Deuteronomy 31:6
"The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged." -Deuteronomy 31:8
"For the LORD loves the just and will not forsake his faithful ones. They will be protected forever" - Psalm 37:28a
God has made so many promises to never forsake those who believe on Him. I've come to realize that the best way to describe the best way to walk in the Spirit is this: Your relationship with God is just like any other relationship, it requires time, effort and communication. You are usually closest to the friends that you spend the most time with. You will not have a successful relationship with God if you do not spend time in His word and talk with Him. I find that sometimes I get so caught up in being busy that I don't always spend the time with Him that I should. It is amazing how much more clearly I can see His desire for my life and His plan for those around me when I spend time daily with Him. When you don't take the time for Him, it's almost as if my vision gets blured with everyday things and I don't see or hear Him as clearly because I have distanced myself. Our human nature wants us to live in complete contrast to God's will for us. This is why it is so crucial to have time with Him daily to have our minds stay clear of the world's confusion, so we can clearly see and hear Him in our lives.Today God has given me a surprise blessing that I could have never seen coming, in a financial form. I do not make tons of money, so it was so nice to have that blessing. I've also been listening to KLOVE Christian radio station today. They have been working with a group called Compassion. Today, 3/11/009 is Global Food Crisis Day. The statistics were unbelievable. Every seven seconds a child dies from starvation. I've heard several times today about the donations set up on the site. $13 a day can feed a child for a MONTH! I know that I don't make much, but because God has blessed me, I feel called to share the blessings that I receive. I went to the site and donated towards the cause. There is something so moving about knowing that God can use you as a tool to bring His blessings to others. It is the best gift that I could ever receive.
If you feel so inclined, please donate to this fabulous cause and group. I know that finances are tight, but if a poor and in debt college student could make a small donation, perhaps someone else might be able to as well. Here's the link below: Compassionhttp://www.compassion.com/global-food-crisis/?referer=98495&utm_campaign=gfcradio-klove-98495
As previously stated in yesterday's blog, I am starting the prayer chain part of this blog:Elsa, a good friend of mine has had several medical problems, and her adult son who lives in a different city is dying of HIV. He is not supposed to last more than a few more days, at most a week. She is in her 80's and she is physically not able to walk more that 3 feet, so she is trying to make her son's funeral arrangements and has asked me to go to the funeral for her. I also want to pray for her son. To my knowledge he is not a believer, but he is not dead yet. There is still time for God to work on his conscience, even though he may not be coherant most of the time. I ask that you would pray for Elsa and David that God would grant them both peace, restoration, and uplift their spirits. Especially that God would work on David's heart, that he would know Him as his Heavenly Father. If you have prayer requests, please just leave me a comment and I will add that to my list. I would love to pray for you or your loved ones. God has called us to fellowship together, and this includes lifting one another up in prayer. Have a wonderful night and God Bless!!!
Attempting to get back into the saddle
Okay all....I've been absolutely horrible about my faith blog these past few months....I've gotten so caught up in being busy that I've just not made the time to write.....Hopefully this will be a change. On that note I hope you are all doing well . I just got done with the opera production of Street Scene. I had a blast, despite the frustrations that always go with putting on a production. Life has been ridiculously busy these past few months, but I have had several amazing moments along the way. God truly does answer prayer. He knows what is best for you and when to give them to you. He is sovereign and is in charge of all. ......
I have been doing the BEST Bible study this semester with my friends at the Lutheran Center, it's called The Truth Project. IT IS FABULOUS!!!! I know that this study has been out for a few years now, but I've never had the opportunity to be in a small group that has done the study. Tonight's lesson was about History. It asked about whose story it was. It just puts things in such a wonderful perspective, as all the lessons do. Sometimes we get so caught up in our own life stories that we forget that the story that truly matters is the larger story, God's story. And we get to play an important role in it if we let God have control. That's a rather awkward statement, because we honestly do not have control over a single thing, and we just get frustrated the more we discover the truth about that fact. It reminds me of one of my favorite lines from the opera, Dialogue of the Carmelites, that I performed in my sophomore year. The dying mother superior is talking with one of her newest addition to the convent, Blanche. She tells Blanche to always remain plyable in God's hands because her life is much safer in God's hands than in her own. What wise words, and such truth shines from them. How comforting to know that God is always in control and that everything is according to his purpose and story plot, if you will. Lately I haven't been the best about keeping up with my own Bible study outside of my group Bible study. I have a hard time finding a study that I can enjoy and keep up with for my own use. So I decided that I'm just going to read the Bible in order from start to finish and read along in my study Bible with the notes below. No matter how many times we've read the Scriptures, it is so important to revisit those passages. Sometimes we find more meaning in them during different stages of our lives and the situations we go through. Obviously still in Genesis, cause it's a really LONG book! Whew! But God has shown me new things every night as I read His Story before I go to bed.
Speaking of which, I need to head to bed and do my reading for tonight, before it gets too much later. I want to start a new part of my faith blogs, I want to add prayer requests to it as well. I first and foremost would love to have you comment on the entry and add your own prayer requests in the comments. I will also include my personal prayer requests in my entry....think of it as a prayer chain! I hope that all of you are well and God Bless until my next entry!
I have been doing the BEST Bible study this semester with my friends at the Lutheran Center, it's called The Truth Project. IT IS FABULOUS!!!! I know that this study has been out for a few years now, but I've never had the opportunity to be in a small group that has done the study. Tonight's lesson was about History. It asked about whose story it was. It just puts things in such a wonderful perspective, as all the lessons do. Sometimes we get so caught up in our own life stories that we forget that the story that truly matters is the larger story, God's story. And we get to play an important role in it if we let God have control. That's a rather awkward statement, because we honestly do not have control over a single thing, and we just get frustrated the more we discover the truth about that fact. It reminds me of one of my favorite lines from the opera, Dialogue of the Carmelites, that I performed in my sophomore year. The dying mother superior is talking with one of her newest addition to the convent, Blanche. She tells Blanche to always remain plyable in God's hands because her life is much safer in God's hands than in her own. What wise words, and such truth shines from them. How comforting to know that God is always in control and that everything is according to his purpose and story plot, if you will. Lately I haven't been the best about keeping up with my own Bible study outside of my group Bible study. I have a hard time finding a study that I can enjoy and keep up with for my own use. So I decided that I'm just going to read the Bible in order from start to finish and read along in my study Bible with the notes below. No matter how many times we've read the Scriptures, it is so important to revisit those passages. Sometimes we find more meaning in them during different stages of our lives and the situations we go through. Obviously still in Genesis, cause it's a really LONG book! Whew! But God has shown me new things every night as I read His Story before I go to bed.
Speaking of which, I need to head to bed and do my reading for tonight, before it gets too much later. I want to start a new part of my faith blogs, I want to add prayer requests to it as well. I first and foremost would love to have you comment on the entry and add your own prayer requests in the comments. I will also include my personal prayer requests in my entry....think of it as a prayer chain! I hope that all of you are well and God Bless until my next entry!
Goals...hmm...
Hello all, sorry it has been sooooooooo long since my last post! However, there is much to say today, so that should help fill in the space .
So New Year's Eve is not one of my favorite holidays. I think I would place it in second place for least favorite holiday right after the dreaded Valentine's Day....ugh.....Anyways, for the last 4 years, New Year's Eve has been very hard for me because of the memories attached to it. Long story short, this year wasn't any different, I got in my sightly zombie mode/ was slightly depressed in a silent way around people that night and when I got in my car and drove home I had a good cry. But now the dreaded Eve is over and life always seems a bit better afterwards.
The next day, New Year's Day, I started writing journal entries each day. So far they've been a few pages each day. I tried to journal when I was younger, but never got past the first 2 days. But I've got to say whoever said journaling was theraputic was dead on! I also hope that someday it will be something that leaves my thoughts, hopes, faith and values behind for someone else to learn from. I usually journal each night and then read my Bedside Blessings by Charles Swindall (he rocks!). Long story short, it gives me a sense of peace and it just helps to get everything that flows through my head down on paper. It just flushes what ever is bothering me out and it magnifies those that lift my spirits. I know that it is also another way that God speaks to me.
Back tracking a bit...yes, I had an absolutely wonderful Christmas with my family! Although I wish I could have stayed longer , but I had to return to Wichita the day after Christmas to work. I am however planning on taking another mini trip back to KCMO in a week for a few days. Wow I'm getting side tracked today.....
.....When my younger sister was about 4 or 5 I think, she said something I will never forget. She was watching me and my parents take the Christmas decoration boxes from the basement to the living room. The boxes were marked X-mas. And my little sister in her 4-5 year old wisdom said, "Why did you write X-mas. You are crossing Christ out of Christmas.".............Talk about a "through the mouths of babes" moment eh?! But it's so increadibly true! Even as Christians we get caught up in the extras of the holiday, but not the main focus! We can get caught up shopping, or decorating, baking, cooking, cleaning the house for when relatives come over, fighting with relatives, worrying about what to wear to church, worrying about church solos or caroling, etc. There is so much to get caught up in, including family. Yes Christmas is a time to share with your family and loved ones, but they should not be the main focus of the event. Christ is the main focus of CHRISTmas, as He should be the main focus in our lives. Even after the holiday, we still get caught up in all the extras and add-ons of this world. Yes we are human and we are prone to being a little ADHD about these things, if you will. But we need to constantly return our focus to our Father. And another thing that has become so appartent to me is how present He is in nature. I've always love nature, but lately it's seemed to come alive for me. Here's a movie quote that I found quite moving, it's from A River Runs Through It. "These river rocks were formed billions (I don't agree with that number, but go with it) of years ago, and under these rocks is the word of God." Notice the present tense....IS! It didn't say "under these rocks was the word of God", no....God is present in all His creation. We get so caught up in our busy lives and the noise and we are costantly asking Him for things and telling Him what we think is important, etc. When was the last time you stopped talking and LISTENED to Him? If you listen you can hear what He is trying to tell you. Go out and take a walk, listen to the nature around you. Go into a quiet room and turn off, yes I said turn of your cell phone, radio, IPod, etc and just close your eyes and listen in the silence. Then go read His word and be willing to listen for His voice. He constantly calls out to us, but I think that sometimes we are so self absorbed that we don't hear Him.
That has been my revelation thus far in the new year....well that and make one day a week laundry day . I hope you all had a wonderful holiday and God bless!
So New Year's Eve is not one of my favorite holidays. I think I would place it in second place for least favorite holiday right after the dreaded Valentine's Day....ugh.....Anyways, for the last 4 years, New Year's Eve has been very hard for me because of the memories attached to it. Long story short, this year wasn't any different, I got in my sightly zombie mode/ was slightly depressed in a silent way around people that night and when I got in my car and drove home I had a good cry. But now the dreaded Eve is over and life always seems a bit better afterwards.
The next day, New Year's Day, I started writing journal entries each day. So far they've been a few pages each day. I tried to journal when I was younger, but never got past the first 2 days. But I've got to say whoever said journaling was theraputic was dead on! I also hope that someday it will be something that leaves my thoughts, hopes, faith and values behind for someone else to learn from. I usually journal each night and then read my Bedside Blessings by Charles Swindall (he rocks!). Long story short, it gives me a sense of peace and it just helps to get everything that flows through my head down on paper. It just flushes what ever is bothering me out and it magnifies those that lift my spirits. I know that it is also another way that God speaks to me.
Back tracking a bit...yes, I had an absolutely wonderful Christmas with my family! Although I wish I could have stayed longer , but I had to return to Wichita the day after Christmas to work. I am however planning on taking another mini trip back to KCMO in a week for a few days. Wow I'm getting side tracked today.....
.....When my younger sister was about 4 or 5 I think, she said something I will never forget. She was watching me and my parents take the Christmas decoration boxes from the basement to the living room. The boxes were marked X-mas. And my little sister in her 4-5 year old wisdom said, "Why did you write X-mas. You are crossing Christ out of Christmas.".............Talk about a "through the mouths of babes" moment eh?! But it's so increadibly true! Even as Christians we get caught up in the extras of the holiday, but not the main focus! We can get caught up shopping, or decorating, baking, cooking, cleaning the house for when relatives come over, fighting with relatives, worrying about what to wear to church, worrying about church solos or caroling, etc. There is so much to get caught up in, including family. Yes Christmas is a time to share with your family and loved ones, but they should not be the main focus of the event. Christ is the main focus of CHRISTmas, as He should be the main focus in our lives. Even after the holiday, we still get caught up in all the extras and add-ons of this world. Yes we are human and we are prone to being a little ADHD about these things, if you will. But we need to constantly return our focus to our Father. And another thing that has become so appartent to me is how present He is in nature. I've always love nature, but lately it's seemed to come alive for me. Here's a movie quote that I found quite moving, it's from A River Runs Through It. "These river rocks were formed billions (I don't agree with that number, but go with it) of years ago, and under these rocks is the word of God." Notice the present tense....IS! It didn't say "under these rocks was the word of God", no....God is present in all His creation. We get so caught up in our busy lives and the noise and we are costantly asking Him for things and telling Him what we think is important, etc. When was the last time you stopped talking and LISTENED to Him? If you listen you can hear what He is trying to tell you. Go out and take a walk, listen to the nature around you. Go into a quiet room and turn off, yes I said turn of your cell phone, radio, IPod, etc and just close your eyes and listen in the silence. Then go read His word and be willing to listen for His voice. He constantly calls out to us, but I think that sometimes we are so self absorbed that we don't hear Him.
That has been my revelation thus far in the new year....well that and make one day a week laundry day . I hope you all had a wonderful holiday and God bless!
...tis the season...
...to be jolly.... fa la la...and so forth .
It's the concept of being jolly that I want to focus on....what does it mean to be jolly? Jolly gives the impression of being greater than merely happy, but maybe not as exuberant as the term joyful. Jolly....For me jolly seems to have the underlying meaning. You are at peace with yourself as well as others around you. You have enjoyed and are currently enjoying the precious gift of life as well as the lives of others. You are grateful to your Creator for the many blessings that He has bestowed upon you and your loved ones. You perservere to always see the bright side of things and are determined to share that positive view. Generosity should dwell in your heart as you want to give to people you love but also people who have less than you, or people that you may not be particularily fond of. Laughter is always apart of you. The joy of life and of your faith shines radiantly by your example.
Let's face it, this is the season to be as all of the above describe, jolly. I know that we face difficult situations physically and spiritually through out the year, but this is the best season to attempt the whole being jolly concept. And that means we should be jolly as we do our work, not just in our leisure time. And yes that means finals for you fellow college students. Be thankful that we have this opportunity to receive higher education. I know for me that this is an opportunity my parents wanted me to have since they were unable to complete a college education. Look at how blessed we all truly are! There is so much to be thankful for this time of year. No we might not have the latest fashion trends, the newest high tech cell phone, or a blue ray DVD player. What ever you want, remember that these things are material. There is so much more to be gained than by just wanting these things..things, not people.
I know that if I could have one wish granted this Christmas, it would be to see every member of my family. I have missed my Grandmother most this year. She's been gone for about 9 years now and it just seems hard to believe. When I remember Christmas, what I remember and cherish the most is the time I spent with my family and the music. Gifts become less and less important to me it seems every year. I really enjoy giving, but the receiving factor just gradually seems to diminish. Sometimes it seems to me that we spend so much on these material things. I realize we do it to show we care, but at the same time we don't have to focus so much on quantity vs. quality of the gift. As cheesy as it sounds it truly is the thought that counts behind the giving.
Just some ponderings of a crazy Christian chick .
It's the concept of being jolly that I want to focus on....what does it mean to be jolly? Jolly gives the impression of being greater than merely happy, but maybe not as exuberant as the term joyful. Jolly....For me jolly seems to have the underlying meaning. You are at peace with yourself as well as others around you. You have enjoyed and are currently enjoying the precious gift of life as well as the lives of others. You are grateful to your Creator for the many blessings that He has bestowed upon you and your loved ones. You perservere to always see the bright side of things and are determined to share that positive view. Generosity should dwell in your heart as you want to give to people you love but also people who have less than you, or people that you may not be particularily fond of. Laughter is always apart of you. The joy of life and of your faith shines radiantly by your example.
Let's face it, this is the season to be as all of the above describe, jolly. I know that we face difficult situations physically and spiritually through out the year, but this is the best season to attempt the whole being jolly concept. And that means we should be jolly as we do our work, not just in our leisure time. And yes that means finals for you fellow college students. Be thankful that we have this opportunity to receive higher education. I know for me that this is an opportunity my parents wanted me to have since they were unable to complete a college education. Look at how blessed we all truly are! There is so much to be thankful for this time of year. No we might not have the latest fashion trends, the newest high tech cell phone, or a blue ray DVD player. What ever you want, remember that these things are material. There is so much more to be gained than by just wanting these things..things, not people.
I know that if I could have one wish granted this Christmas, it would be to see every member of my family. I have missed my Grandmother most this year. She's been gone for about 9 years now and it just seems hard to believe. When I remember Christmas, what I remember and cherish the most is the time I spent with my family and the music. Gifts become less and less important to me it seems every year. I really enjoy giving, but the receiving factor just gradually seems to diminish. Sometimes it seems to me that we spend so much on these material things. I realize we do it to show we care, but at the same time we don't have to focus so much on quantity vs. quality of the gift. As cheesy as it sounds it truly is the thought that counts behind the giving.
Just some ponderings of a crazy Christian chick .
Slight Relapse
Well, again it's been a while since my last post, and I do apologize. Sometimes I just want to wait until I have something interesting to write about....but I should write more than I currently do.
Well, it's that time of the year again when we are frantically cramming for finals and shopping for Christmas gifts. This year we all are trying to survive the economic crisis that has hit out country so hard. Times are hard, but it has been one of the most enlightening for me.
I think that in general as Americans we take so much for granted. We don't realize how truly blessed we are and I have honestly been ashamed of myself for it. I have so much to be grateful for, but in today's society and especially in my generation it's the "gimmie-gimmie"/"instant gratification" time for our country. God allows hardships such as our current economic situation to make us rely more on Him. It's so easy when things are going well to not think twice about thanking our Heavenly father for what we have, and what's worse is that when times get tough, we blame God for all of our hardships instead of humbling ourselves before Him and asking for His forgiveness and guidance. It's these situations that break us down so that we have to seek out our Creator.
For the last week or so I've had a slight relapse into my old thoughts about death. I know that it's part of my being human to fear the unknown, but at the same time it shows that I am so weak not to trust my heavenly father about my welfare. God used several sources to speak to me today. First one was via Christian Radio broadcast this morning. It talked about how we should interpret Christ's symbolism between the bridegroom (Jesus) and the bride ( The Church). Another broadcast I caught was again about the bride and the bridegroom. How deeply Christ loves His children. He has clothed us with His righteousness (wedding gown) and to gain our hand He gave up His life for us. But He came back for His bride 3 days later. I don't remember exactly how each minister described it, but both went on continually about Christ's love of the church.
I know that He will always be with me, but sometimes I let thoughts of death creep in to my mind and they seperate bits of my trust for my savior. I shouldn't let this happen and I try to put my mind on heavenly things. But I do think the most important part of these radio broadcasts was that our short time here on earth is just the trip to the wedding party. The wedding celebration should be our real goal and destination to think on. As sinful humans, we cling to what we know and are capable of understanding which are mostly things of this brief world. It's hard not to wish for all the wasted time that is behind us.
Last night I layed awake thinking of the holiday season and just thinking how fast time flies. When we are little we so desperately want to be older to be independant to be taken seriously. I just longed to be a little girl again. The time when I thought that my parents would always be there to protect me and believe in the goodness of people and to be able to have that childlike faith again. As we grow older we realize that our parents as well as other relatives and role models aren't perfect, but that they will not always be around to watch over you. Usually the younger generation begins to take care of their parents as they grow older. Growing older is not for the faint hearted. The people you look up to will one day die and you will be the older generation that everyone will look to for answers, advice, and protection. It's a rather scary thought to me that I will someday be that older generation expected to know all the answers.
What I wouldn't give to be able to as Cher so plainly put it, turn back time....I can't believe I just quoted Cher, gah! Point being I miss being a kid with a huge security blanket. I want to have that older generation that I can go to for everything. It scares me to think that someday I will be the one people will look up to and the generation older than me will no longer exist on this earth. But I think as we grow older we complicate life so much. We go into overkill on complication. No, there might not be a physical person for me to look up to someday and I'm sure it might feel weird listening to a paster younger than me preach someday, but there is one truth that will always be........GOD IS THE START AND END OF ETERNITY! He has been way before me, with me ALL of my life and there after. What a comfort to know that I will always have my savior, even when I may be the oldest person I know .
The third source that God spoke to me with was an old Daily Bread devotional from 1926 by F.E. Pasche. I personally thought it was great that they put up the older divotionals that are now in the public domain up online. Anyway, I found one titled, "God is Omnipresent" which seemed like where I might find the words of comfort I needed today. Take a read, and I think you will find the parts I highlighted of significant value to you as well.
GOD IS OMNIPRESENT
"Lo. I am with you always, even unto the end of the world." -Matthew 28:20
In the Book of Jeremiah, in the 23rd chapter, we read: "Am I a God at hand, saith the Lord, and not a God afar off? Can any hide himself in secret places that I shall not see him? saith the Lord. Do I not fill heaven and earth? saith the Lord." God is everywhere, so that no one can hide from Him, and no one need search far for Him.
God the Father is omnipresent, and so is God the Holy Spirit; but also God teh Son. He made this promise to His Christians: "Lo, I am with you alway, even unto the end of the world." Of Him St.Paul says: "He fills all things." He fills all things with His presence in heaven and in earth. He said: "All things that the Father hath are Mine."
The Triune God is inclosed nowhere, excluded from nowhere. He is a God at hand and a God afar off. He is above all and through all and in all. Therefore, wherever we are, when most lonesome and forsaken, God is near us; yea, He is with us always, hears our prayers, knows our cares. He is near us with His help and defense, as David sings in the 145th Psalm: "The Lord is nigh unto all them that call upon Him, to all that call upon Him in truth. He will fufill the desire of hem that fear Him; He also will hear their cry and will save them." And in the 23rd Psalm he says: "Though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil; for thou art with me."
God's omnipresence is very consoling to us because through faith in Christ Jesus we are His children. We therefore do not flee from God and hide vefore our kind and loving God and heavenly Father, but praise and thank Him for His gracious omnipresence. We trust in the promise He gave to His children through the prophet Isaiah: "Fear not; for I have redeemed thee; thou art Mine. I will be with thee."
Prayer
To Thee alone, O Lord, Thou omnipresent God, I entrust my body and soul and all I have. Do Thou guide my every footstep and my pilgrimage to my eternal home. Provide also faithfully for those dear to me. Grant them happiness and health. And when at last I shall have arrived at the goal of my pilgrimage, then give me a peaceful and happy death and take me into Thy glory, my heavenly home, where I shall dwell in They presence forevermore. Amen.
Well there you have my spiritual message for the day. So many of these words are so comforting to me. The Lord is omnipresent and that doesn't mean in just physical places, it means my heart, soul and mind too. God is always in those places with me, in my heart, soul and mind. I think that sometimes being alone for long periods of time at work on the weekends allow my mind to wander to thoughts of being alone and death. But thank goodness for the internet here because God has used it to be my comfort source. So I can look up His promises to me when I need Him during my times of loneliness.
This entry has been rather scattered and long, but hey this is my faith blog. These are the spiritual issues that I've been struggling with lately. And I think the imporant thing about these entries is that you understand that not only is it a release for me to write all of this down, but it is also meant to be a service to others. Even though I don't get many comments on these entries, I know that people read them. My hope is that God uses these entries to help people understand that they are not alone in how they feel, that the Lord provides hope and comfort to each and every one of us. I know that especially this time of year we all get so caught up in being busy, but take time to spend with our heavenly father each day. He is the author and finisher of our faith and how can we expect to have a deep relationship with Him if we don't put time and effort into it?
May the Lord bless you all and may your own burdens be lightened by the promises of our Savior. Hugs to all!
Well, it's that time of the year again when we are frantically cramming for finals and shopping for Christmas gifts. This year we all are trying to survive the economic crisis that has hit out country so hard. Times are hard, but it has been one of the most enlightening for me.
I think that in general as Americans we take so much for granted. We don't realize how truly blessed we are and I have honestly been ashamed of myself for it. I have so much to be grateful for, but in today's society and especially in my generation it's the "gimmie-gimmie"/"instant gratification" time for our country. God allows hardships such as our current economic situation to make us rely more on Him. It's so easy when things are going well to not think twice about thanking our Heavenly father for what we have, and what's worse is that when times get tough, we blame God for all of our hardships instead of humbling ourselves before Him and asking for His forgiveness and guidance. It's these situations that break us down so that we have to seek out our Creator.
For the last week or so I've had a slight relapse into my old thoughts about death. I know that it's part of my being human to fear the unknown, but at the same time it shows that I am so weak not to trust my heavenly father about my welfare. God used several sources to speak to me today. First one was via Christian Radio broadcast this morning. It talked about how we should interpret Christ's symbolism between the bridegroom (Jesus) and the bride ( The Church). Another broadcast I caught was again about the bride and the bridegroom. How deeply Christ loves His children. He has clothed us with His righteousness (wedding gown) and to gain our hand He gave up His life for us. But He came back for His bride 3 days later. I don't remember exactly how each minister described it, but both went on continually about Christ's love of the church.
I know that He will always be with me, but sometimes I let thoughts of death creep in to my mind and they seperate bits of my trust for my savior. I shouldn't let this happen and I try to put my mind on heavenly things. But I do think the most important part of these radio broadcasts was that our short time here on earth is just the trip to the wedding party. The wedding celebration should be our real goal and destination to think on. As sinful humans, we cling to what we know and are capable of understanding which are mostly things of this brief world. It's hard not to wish for all the wasted time that is behind us.
Last night I layed awake thinking of the holiday season and just thinking how fast time flies. When we are little we so desperately want to be older to be independant to be taken seriously. I just longed to be a little girl again. The time when I thought that my parents would always be there to protect me and believe in the goodness of people and to be able to have that childlike faith again. As we grow older we realize that our parents as well as other relatives and role models aren't perfect, but that they will not always be around to watch over you. Usually the younger generation begins to take care of their parents as they grow older. Growing older is not for the faint hearted. The people you look up to will one day die and you will be the older generation that everyone will look to for answers, advice, and protection. It's a rather scary thought to me that I will someday be that older generation expected to know all the answers.
What I wouldn't give to be able to as Cher so plainly put it, turn back time....I can't believe I just quoted Cher, gah! Point being I miss being a kid with a huge security blanket. I want to have that older generation that I can go to for everything. It scares me to think that someday I will be the one people will look up to and the generation older than me will no longer exist on this earth. But I think as we grow older we complicate life so much. We go into overkill on complication. No, there might not be a physical person for me to look up to someday and I'm sure it might feel weird listening to a paster younger than me preach someday, but there is one truth that will always be........GOD IS THE START AND END OF ETERNITY! He has been way before me, with me ALL of my life and there after. What a comfort to know that I will always have my savior, even when I may be the oldest person I know .
The third source that God spoke to me with was an old Daily Bread devotional from 1926 by F.E. Pasche. I personally thought it was great that they put up the older divotionals that are now in the public domain up online. Anyway, I found one titled, "God is Omnipresent" which seemed like where I might find the words of comfort I needed today. Take a read, and I think you will find the parts I highlighted of significant value to you as well.
GOD IS OMNIPRESENT
"Lo. I am with you always, even unto the end of the world." -Matthew 28:20
In the Book of Jeremiah, in the 23rd chapter, we read: "Am I a God at hand, saith the Lord, and not a God afar off? Can any hide himself in secret places that I shall not see him? saith the Lord. Do I not fill heaven and earth? saith the Lord." God is everywhere, so that no one can hide from Him, and no one need search far for Him.
God the Father is omnipresent, and so is God the Holy Spirit; but also God teh Son. He made this promise to His Christians: "Lo, I am with you alway, even unto the end of the world." Of Him St.Paul says: "He fills all things." He fills all things with His presence in heaven and in earth. He said: "All things that the Father hath are Mine."
The Triune God is inclosed nowhere, excluded from nowhere. He is a God at hand and a God afar off. He is above all and through all and in all. Therefore, wherever we are, when most lonesome and forsaken, God is near us; yea, He is with us always, hears our prayers, knows our cares. He is near us with His help and defense, as David sings in the 145th Psalm: "The Lord is nigh unto all them that call upon Him, to all that call upon Him in truth. He will fufill the desire of hem that fear Him; He also will hear their cry and will save them." And in the 23rd Psalm he says: "Though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil; for thou art with me."
God's omnipresence is very consoling to us because through faith in Christ Jesus we are His children. We therefore do not flee from God and hide vefore our kind and loving God and heavenly Father, but praise and thank Him for His gracious omnipresence. We trust in the promise He gave to His children through the prophet Isaiah: "Fear not; for I have redeemed thee; thou art Mine. I will be with thee."
Prayer
To Thee alone, O Lord, Thou omnipresent God, I entrust my body and soul and all I have. Do Thou guide my every footstep and my pilgrimage to my eternal home. Provide also faithfully for those dear to me. Grant them happiness and health. And when at last I shall have arrived at the goal of my pilgrimage, then give me a peaceful and happy death and take me into Thy glory, my heavenly home, where I shall dwell in They presence forevermore. Amen.
Well there you have my spiritual message for the day. So many of these words are so comforting to me. The Lord is omnipresent and that doesn't mean in just physical places, it means my heart, soul and mind too. God is always in those places with me, in my heart, soul and mind. I think that sometimes being alone for long periods of time at work on the weekends allow my mind to wander to thoughts of being alone and death. But thank goodness for the internet here because God has used it to be my comfort source. So I can look up His promises to me when I need Him during my times of loneliness.
This entry has been rather scattered and long, but hey this is my faith blog. These are the spiritual issues that I've been struggling with lately. And I think the imporant thing about these entries is that you understand that not only is it a release for me to write all of this down, but it is also meant to be a service to others. Even though I don't get many comments on these entries, I know that people read them. My hope is that God uses these entries to help people understand that they are not alone in how they feel, that the Lord provides hope and comfort to each and every one of us. I know that especially this time of year we all get so caught up in being busy, but take time to spend with our heavenly father each day. He is the author and finisher of our faith and how can we expect to have a deep relationship with Him if we don't put time and effort into it?
May the Lord bless you all and may your own burdens be lightened by the promises of our Savior. Hugs to all!
Busy with being busy
Hello all, sorry it's been so long since my last post, and I can honestly say I don't have a good excuse.
It hit me towards the end of this week that I have done it again....I've been so busy being busy that I've put my faith and time with God on the back burner. Wrong idea! Yes, life has been increadibly busy lately, almost insane, but that should never be a reason why I decide to sleep in on Sundays and not go to my church service at 8am before I go to my church jobs, or to skip Bible study to get more things done, or not do my devotions or pray at night because I'm too tired or "don't have the time".
This was one of my biggest fears this year, was falling back into the habit of putting God on my hypothetical back burner, this would be a big no bueno! I had long conversation with Him last night and I feel that I've officially hopped back onto the right track. See, I'm even writing in my faith blog...there's a great place to start.
Even though life becomes cluttered with class/ homework/ operas/ work/ teaching/ etc. it is no reason why God shouldn't remain my top priority. Actually it should be all the more reason why God needs to be my top priority. I think so many times we get so caught up with being busy with the insignificant matters of this world. Sometimes I find myself realizing, in the end none of this will matter. I will admit that I'm 99.9% sure I bit off more than I could handle this semester, but at the same time God is giving me the strength and energy to get through it and honor all of my committments. To top it off, God has been really sneaky and taken care of things that I didn't even think about asking for His help. He truly is a loving father and I know He will always take care of me, through the good times and the not so good times.
With a new president comming up quickly as well as our financial state and our foreign relations, life in America is very hard on all of it's citizens. But even though we are going through this hardship, we need to take a hopeful perspective on our future. God has promised that he will never leave us nor forsake us. He holds the entire universe in His hand, yet when we go to bed at night he is right there beside us. I feel that we need to undergo these difficult times in order to fully rely on God. It brings us humility. And while we get caught up in all of the insignificant details of life, we need to remember to be still and know that He is God.
"Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth." -Psalm 46:10
So take time at the beginning, in the middle and at the end of your day to just be still and acknowledge our creator. Even though I have some minor issues to deal with right now, there are two members of my family going through much more difficult times. I pray for them daily and I know that God is watching over them, but it is hard for me to hear about the suffering and emotional struggles they are going through. I pray that God grant all of us His unserpassing peace to all of us daily and that we take the time to thank Him for the numerous blessings we do have.
It hit me towards the end of this week that I have done it again....I've been so busy being busy that I've put my faith and time with God on the back burner. Wrong idea! Yes, life has been increadibly busy lately, almost insane, but that should never be a reason why I decide to sleep in on Sundays and not go to my church service at 8am before I go to my church jobs, or to skip Bible study to get more things done, or not do my devotions or pray at night because I'm too tired or "don't have the time".
This was one of my biggest fears this year, was falling back into the habit of putting God on my hypothetical back burner, this would be a big no bueno! I had long conversation with Him last night and I feel that I've officially hopped back onto the right track. See, I'm even writing in my faith blog...there's a great place to start.
Even though life becomes cluttered with class/ homework/ operas/ work/ teaching/ etc. it is no reason why God shouldn't remain my top priority. Actually it should be all the more reason why God needs to be my top priority. I think so many times we get so caught up with being busy with the insignificant matters of this world. Sometimes I find myself realizing, in the end none of this will matter. I will admit that I'm 99.9% sure I bit off more than I could handle this semester, but at the same time God is giving me the strength and energy to get through it and honor all of my committments. To top it off, God has been really sneaky and taken care of things that I didn't even think about asking for His help. He truly is a loving father and I know He will always take care of me, through the good times and the not so good times.
With a new president comming up quickly as well as our financial state and our foreign relations, life in America is very hard on all of it's citizens. But even though we are going through this hardship, we need to take a hopeful perspective on our future. God has promised that he will never leave us nor forsake us. He holds the entire universe in His hand, yet when we go to bed at night he is right there beside us. I feel that we need to undergo these difficult times in order to fully rely on God. It brings us humility. And while we get caught up in all of the insignificant details of life, we need to remember to be still and know that He is God.
"Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth." -Psalm 46:10
So take time at the beginning, in the middle and at the end of your day to just be still and acknowledge our creator. Even though I have some minor issues to deal with right now, there are two members of my family going through much more difficult times. I pray for them daily and I know that God is watching over them, but it is hard for me to hear about the suffering and emotional struggles they are going through. I pray that God grant all of us His unserpassing peace to all of us daily and that we take the time to thank Him for the numerous blessings we do have.
Nostalgic
Well, needless to say based on my subject heading I feel loads better today, with the exception of actually getting a good look at my bruises, one of which on my back thigh is truly a black/purple sight to behold.
A great deal of my anger is gone today, as well as the majority of my frustration. Yesterday was one of those days when everything hits you at once, and being increadibly tired and sore does not help things. I'm not taking anything away from how I felt yesterday and how I still feel today, but I have a peace about those things today that wasn't there yesterday. This I know is only God's doing. It is His way of letting me know that everything will work out. He answered 3 of my prayers today and I know that there will be more answered prayer in the future.
I think the majority of His peace comes to me in music. Today I took myself out to lunch. It's something that I feel that I should do, even if I don't have anyone to go out to eat with me, I need to remind myself that it's okay to go out to eat at a restaurant or to a movie by myself. I occasionally get frustrated with the looks of pity I receive as I tell the hostess that it's a table of one, but life goes on. I went to Bella Luna today just for some hummas and a cup of tea. It was just such a calm for me. I have been on the go so much, and despite the fact that I've been sick for over a week, I never took the time to relax. Today lots of memories hit me as I ate lunch. There was a musician playing inside and I watched 3 finches have a tug of war outside with a piece of soft pita. Honestly there is something about watching birds and squirrels that is just enjoyable and relaxing.
I often remember my grandmother watching the birds and squirrels with me. I think of her a great deal this time of the year. Her birthday was October 29 and she passed away within a few days of that almost 10 years ago. It seems absolutely insane that it's been that long. I never really stopped to count how many years it's been. None the less I still think about her this time of year. She was my best friend growing up. I still miss her, immensely. I miss her smelling of vicks vapor rub, watching "The Young and the Restless" and "The Lawrence Welk Show" even though I was only in elementary school at the time, playing rummy, attempting to help her cook, sewing doll dresses, grocery shopping with her and my aunt every saturday and climbing the shelves for the items they couldn't reach, hearing this ridiculous sniff my grandma did 24/7 which made her easy to locate....so many memories. I didn't cry when we found her. I didn't cry when the paramedics took her away. I only cried when everyone left and I crawled into her bed to remember how she smelled. Wow this faith blog took a different direction than I was planning. I think I miss her more this year than I ever have before. Long story short, I thought of her today as I watched the birds outside of the restaurant. I think a majority of the reason why I've finally allowed myself to miss her is because I always knew how she felt about me as a child or as a teenager. I want to know how she would view me as a woman. I still want her words of wisdom and encouragement, her sarcasm and humor, how she would view me going to college for music, etc. Her opinion of me, after to my parents', was the most important.
It is one of those things that just naturally comes with this season for me. But as I sat and watched the birds, I couldn't help but smile and forget some of the things weighing on my heart. My grandma was on to something with this whole bird/squirrel watching bit. It reminded me of the scripture I heard on the radio this morning, "let all that have breath praise the lord." Notice that there isn't the word people in there. Everything that has breath....Today I learned a lesson I'm sure my grandmother learned long ago. Man is created in God's image, but the animal kingdom also glorifies our creator as well. Basically I'm just saying that we should all stop and admire the handiwork of our Creator. Yes the universe is huge and we are so increadibly small, but even in the vastness of the universe God took the time to create such detail in each bird, flower, etc. Look at His handiwork and admire that he took such time and effort in the smallest of creatures on this little blue speck we call Earth in the whole of the universe. That He was willing and is still willing to put so much time and energy into our lives. It's pretty breathtaking in my book.
A great deal of my anger is gone today, as well as the majority of my frustration. Yesterday was one of those days when everything hits you at once, and being increadibly tired and sore does not help things. I'm not taking anything away from how I felt yesterday and how I still feel today, but I have a peace about those things today that wasn't there yesterday. This I know is only God's doing. It is His way of letting me know that everything will work out. He answered 3 of my prayers today and I know that there will be more answered prayer in the future.
I think the majority of His peace comes to me in music. Today I took myself out to lunch. It's something that I feel that I should do, even if I don't have anyone to go out to eat with me, I need to remind myself that it's okay to go out to eat at a restaurant or to a movie by myself. I occasionally get frustrated with the looks of pity I receive as I tell the hostess that it's a table of one, but life goes on. I went to Bella Luna today just for some hummas and a cup of tea. It was just such a calm for me. I have been on the go so much, and despite the fact that I've been sick for over a week, I never took the time to relax. Today lots of memories hit me as I ate lunch. There was a musician playing inside and I watched 3 finches have a tug of war outside with a piece of soft pita. Honestly there is something about watching birds and squirrels that is just enjoyable and relaxing.
I often remember my grandmother watching the birds and squirrels with me. I think of her a great deal this time of the year. Her birthday was October 29 and she passed away within a few days of that almost 10 years ago. It seems absolutely insane that it's been that long. I never really stopped to count how many years it's been. None the less I still think about her this time of year. She was my best friend growing up. I still miss her, immensely. I miss her smelling of vicks vapor rub, watching "The Young and the Restless" and "The Lawrence Welk Show" even though I was only in elementary school at the time, playing rummy, attempting to help her cook, sewing doll dresses, grocery shopping with her and my aunt every saturday and climbing the shelves for the items they couldn't reach, hearing this ridiculous sniff my grandma did 24/7 which made her easy to locate....so many memories. I didn't cry when we found her. I didn't cry when the paramedics took her away. I only cried when everyone left and I crawled into her bed to remember how she smelled. Wow this faith blog took a different direction than I was planning. I think I miss her more this year than I ever have before. Long story short, I thought of her today as I watched the birds outside of the restaurant. I think a majority of the reason why I've finally allowed myself to miss her is because I always knew how she felt about me as a child or as a teenager. I want to know how she would view me as a woman. I still want her words of wisdom and encouragement, her sarcasm and humor, how she would view me going to college for music, etc. Her opinion of me, after to my parents', was the most important.
It is one of those things that just naturally comes with this season for me. But as I sat and watched the birds, I couldn't help but smile and forget some of the things weighing on my heart. My grandma was on to something with this whole bird/squirrel watching bit. It reminded me of the scripture I heard on the radio this morning, "let all that have breath praise the lord." Notice that there isn't the word people in there. Everything that has breath....Today I learned a lesson I'm sure my grandmother learned long ago. Man is created in God's image, but the animal kingdom also glorifies our creator as well. Basically I'm just saying that we should all stop and admire the handiwork of our Creator. Yes the universe is huge and we are so increadibly small, but even in the vastness of the universe God took the time to create such detail in each bird, flower, etc. Look at His handiwork and admire that he took such time and effort in the smallest of creatures on this little blue speck we call Earth in the whole of the universe. That He was willing and is still willing to put so much time and energy into our lives. It's pretty breathtaking in my book.
Need an energy boost...le sigh....
Well my week has been interesting for sure....whew....
The week started off just fine, especially on Tuesday. I took my little from BBBS to her first choir concert and she loved it! I also found out that this girl hasn't seen loads of Disney movies, including The Little Mermaid!!! Crazy! So now I'm on a mission to Disney-fy this child. Well, none of my voice students showed up for their voice lessons on Wednesday, so that stunk. Thursday I found an apartment that filled every need I had and I reserved it. I was very grateful that God supplied my need, but I really hate having to move, not just because of the moving itself, but because I really like my apartment that I have. If it wasn't for the gas/ commute, I wouldn't be moving at all. So I kind of had buyer's remorse after putting down my non-refundable $100 for the new place. Also on Thursday my church membership was transfered to St. Andrew's from my home church Holy Cross in KCMO, which is a huge deal for me since Holy Cross was the center of my life until I left for college and it's been hard knowing that it isn't the same parish I grew up with, leaving those memories and moving on was/is difficult for me....Low and behold Thursday night (I'm house sitting Thurs-Sat) I come down with something yucky. I woke up Friday sore all over and drainage running down a dry sore throat, gah....The ironic part is that I am house sitting/ watching 3 girls that are a Christian Science family. Christian Scientists don't believe in disease....and hence forth they don't believe in medicine....wah....So I went into work later since Tobi was willing to cover part of my shift, and I felt like poo....tried to sleep as much as possible today and went into work and still feel like poo....and work has been insane today....unhappy guests to smoke alarms, joy.....
Long story short I really had no fun time this week, everything felt like work. I realized this week that I NEED to make time through out the week for myself so I'm not driving myself to physical and spiritual exhaustion, hence forth why I am probably sick. I also found out that my great aunt Minnie passed away on Wednesday. I wasn't very close to her and I didn't get to see her very often, but I still treasure the memories of the few visits I had with her from when I was young. Two stand out in my mind, one when I was in elementary school and another when I was in middle school. I still remember the cards she sent me and the one thing I will always remember were her hands. They were beautiful, she took pride in having her nails painted and her hands soft. These memories may not seem like much to you, but no matter how small or short the memory is, it still reminds me of her warm spirit. It makes me feel that I could have done more to enrich her life. I could have called her, written her letters and sent cards. It's times like this that I realize how selfish I can be.
God created our bodies to let us know when we are working them too hard. Guess this is my wake up call. A small price to pay, but a lesson worth learning.
"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls." -Matthew 11:28-29
Basically it has come to my realization that I still don't let God have full control. Despite the fact that I really don't have any control over anything, when I think that I have some say in things, they get worse. I look at the things in my life that I put so much of my energy into. It seems like I'm putting my energy to waste a lot of the time. I pour out my affection on people who don't want or care for it, things I want instead of focusing on others' needs, etc. I shouldn't put my time and energy into these frivolous worldly cares. What I do need to put my energy into is the well being of others. I need to re-establish what it means to be a servant, but in the right way. Yes I need to make time to rest my body and soul, but at the same time when I do "work", I need to put my energy to better use.
"Whoever serves me must follow me; and where I am, my servant also will be. My Father will honor the one who serves me." -John 12:26
The week started off just fine, especially on Tuesday. I took my little from BBBS to her first choir concert and she loved it! I also found out that this girl hasn't seen loads of Disney movies, including The Little Mermaid!!! Crazy! So now I'm on a mission to Disney-fy this child. Well, none of my voice students showed up for their voice lessons on Wednesday, so that stunk. Thursday I found an apartment that filled every need I had and I reserved it. I was very grateful that God supplied my need, but I really hate having to move, not just because of the moving itself, but because I really like my apartment that I have. If it wasn't for the gas/ commute, I wouldn't be moving at all. So I kind of had buyer's remorse after putting down my non-refundable $100 for the new place. Also on Thursday my church membership was transfered to St. Andrew's from my home church Holy Cross in KCMO, which is a huge deal for me since Holy Cross was the center of my life until I left for college and it's been hard knowing that it isn't the same parish I grew up with, leaving those memories and moving on was/is difficult for me....Low and behold Thursday night (I'm house sitting Thurs-Sat) I come down with something yucky. I woke up Friday sore all over and drainage running down a dry sore throat, gah....The ironic part is that I am house sitting/ watching 3 girls that are a Christian Science family. Christian Scientists don't believe in disease....and hence forth they don't believe in medicine....wah....So I went into work later since Tobi was willing to cover part of my shift, and I felt like poo....tried to sleep as much as possible today and went into work and still feel like poo....and work has been insane today....unhappy guests to smoke alarms, joy.....
Long story short I really had no fun time this week, everything felt like work. I realized this week that I NEED to make time through out the week for myself so I'm not driving myself to physical and spiritual exhaustion, hence forth why I am probably sick. I also found out that my great aunt Minnie passed away on Wednesday. I wasn't very close to her and I didn't get to see her very often, but I still treasure the memories of the few visits I had with her from when I was young. Two stand out in my mind, one when I was in elementary school and another when I was in middle school. I still remember the cards she sent me and the one thing I will always remember were her hands. They were beautiful, she took pride in having her nails painted and her hands soft. These memories may not seem like much to you, but no matter how small or short the memory is, it still reminds me of her warm spirit. It makes me feel that I could have done more to enrich her life. I could have called her, written her letters and sent cards. It's times like this that I realize how selfish I can be.
God created our bodies to let us know when we are working them too hard. Guess this is my wake up call. A small price to pay, but a lesson worth learning.
"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls." -Matthew 11:28-29
Basically it has come to my realization that I still don't let God have full control. Despite the fact that I really don't have any control over anything, when I think that I have some say in things, they get worse. I look at the things in my life that I put so much of my energy into. It seems like I'm putting my energy to waste a lot of the time. I pour out my affection on people who don't want or care for it, things I want instead of focusing on others' needs, etc. I shouldn't put my time and energy into these frivolous worldly cares. What I do need to put my energy into is the well being of others. I need to re-establish what it means to be a servant, but in the right way. Yes I need to make time to rest my body and soul, but at the same time when I do "work", I need to put my energy to better use.
"Whoever serves me must follow me; and where I am, my servant also will be. My Father will honor the one who serves me." -John 12:26
Long time, no blog...how about a spiritual fruit smoothie to make up for it?
So how about it? Spiritual Fruit Smoothie? Any takers?
"But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control." -Galations 5:22
I do apologize for the 21 day lapse in entries, that was definitely not intended. That being said, I hope that you all are well and that you see the Father's hand at work in your lives in His wonderous ways. Lately I've been working on my Spiritual Fruit Smoothie. It's quite a delicious enrichment for my soul. As some of you know there is a certain someone in my life that I care for very much. This person has been hurt in the past and is it seen through their actions. Many people have told me to walk away and that he isn't worth my time and care. I am in disagreement with that statement.
We all have been broken in many ways, spiritually and physically. We all take time to heal these wounds, and maybe we just need the right person to come along and be patient with us while we heal. Find the right person to be compassionate and understanding. God would always be tender-hearted, understanding and patient with His children, why should we treat each other any differently?
I am not saying that we can all be perfect like God, but we should strive to be more like Him. Focus on each of the fruits of the Spirit. Take time to fully understand what they mean. There are 3 things that have become increadibly clear to me over the past few weeks: 1) God is constantly showing off! He is forever molding me and shaping me for His service and always puts me in awe of His glory. 2) Patience truly is a virtue. I never realized how impatient I was until these past few weeks. He has taught me so much on patience, just because of this situation. 3) Silence is not a bad thing. Why I've always been afraid of silence is now a mystery to me. All the noises of this world can be a distraction from the silent time our heavenly Father wants to have with us, to speak to us. Be still an know that He is God!
So basically life has been fairly busy for me over the past few weeks, but in amazing ways. God has answered my financial prayers and given me a job teaching private voice lessons at West High School. What a gift and it's something that I love! God also gave me the opportunity to have the role I wanted in Street Scene, which tells me that He truly wants me to perform as well as teach. I had doubts about my performing as a career and I prayed about it and He answered. I am learning patience and an alarmingly fast rate. On the other hand however, my patience for my diet to be done is not so great. So spiritually my diet is going to be Spiritual Fruit Smoothies for a little bit. I hope some of you take the time for your own Spiritual Fruit Smoothie this week and think about how satisfying they are to your soul! God Bless!
"And we pray this in order that you may live a life worthy of the Lord and may please him in every way: bearing fruit in every good work, growing in the knowledge of God, being strengthened with all power according to his glorious might so that you may have great endurance and patience, and joyfully giving thanks to the Father, who has qualified you to share in the inheritance of the saints in the kingdom of light." - Colossians 1:10-12
"But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control." -Galations 5:22
I do apologize for the 21 day lapse in entries, that was definitely not intended. That being said, I hope that you all are well and that you see the Father's hand at work in your lives in His wonderous ways. Lately I've been working on my Spiritual Fruit Smoothie. It's quite a delicious enrichment for my soul. As some of you know there is a certain someone in my life that I care for very much. This person has been hurt in the past and is it seen through their actions. Many people have told me to walk away and that he isn't worth my time and care. I am in disagreement with that statement.
We all have been broken in many ways, spiritually and physically. We all take time to heal these wounds, and maybe we just need the right person to come along and be patient with us while we heal. Find the right person to be compassionate and understanding. God would always be tender-hearted, understanding and patient with His children, why should we treat each other any differently?
I am not saying that we can all be perfect like God, but we should strive to be more like Him. Focus on each of the fruits of the Spirit. Take time to fully understand what they mean. There are 3 things that have become increadibly clear to me over the past few weeks: 1) God is constantly showing off! He is forever molding me and shaping me for His service and always puts me in awe of His glory. 2) Patience truly is a virtue. I never realized how impatient I was until these past few weeks. He has taught me so much on patience, just because of this situation. 3) Silence is not a bad thing. Why I've always been afraid of silence is now a mystery to me. All the noises of this world can be a distraction from the silent time our heavenly Father wants to have with us, to speak to us. Be still an know that He is God!
So basically life has been fairly busy for me over the past few weeks, but in amazing ways. God has answered my financial prayers and given me a job teaching private voice lessons at West High School. What a gift and it's something that I love! God also gave me the opportunity to have the role I wanted in Street Scene, which tells me that He truly wants me to perform as well as teach. I had doubts about my performing as a career and I prayed about it and He answered. I am learning patience and an alarmingly fast rate. On the other hand however, my patience for my diet to be done is not so great. So spiritually my diet is going to be Spiritual Fruit Smoothies for a little bit. I hope some of you take the time for your own Spiritual Fruit Smoothie this week and think about how satisfying they are to your soul! God Bless!
"And we pray this in order that you may live a life worthy of the Lord and may please him in every way: bearing fruit in every good work, growing in the knowledge of God, being strengthened with all power according to his glorious might so that you may have great endurance and patience, and joyfully giving thanks to the Father, who has qualified you to share in the inheritance of the saints in the kingdom of light." - Colossians 1:10-12
Joy in the morning
Sweet vs. Sarcastic:
"This is the day the Lord has made, let us rejoice and be glad in it!"
vs.
"This is the day the Lord has made, so don't screw it up!"
Either way the message gets across, haha. So today I feel LOADS better than I have all week. God in his amazing show off way has yet again amazed me.
Yesterday I was really down as I have been all week and unfortunately due to choked emotions, my singing sounded awful. Crying really effects my vocal chords due to the physical stress placed on my body, which of course aggrivated me to no end this week, especially since it was auditions week. I've been so busy this week that I just kept putting of practicing my harp. I love playing it and I initially took up the instrument because it was so thereputic for me. My previous teacher pushed me to do competitions and to perform, but that simply made me afraid and took the joy out of the music for me. Yesterday I just wanted a release, just a way to release all the negative emotions I'd been feeling the whole week and I couldn't do it by my usual way of singing. I went to the harp room to go practice and I couldn't find my music! Wah! So after searching for about half an hour, I gave up and pulled out the piece I began last spring. I can honestly say I've never played better. It was such an improvement on my playing, but more importantly it was a huge emotional release for me.
I had my harp lesson this morning and I've never seen my teacher so surprised. For 4 years she has struggled to help me relearn how to enjoy the harp. She told me that she had nothing to say about my playing, that I was playing increadibly well. It was such an encouraging thing to hear. I have a renewed love of harp, and what a gift from Him. He knew the desires of my heart and gave me a wonderful gift to embrace, comfort, and strengthen my heart.
I woke up this morning and with God as my only explaination, I've had a smile on my face and in my heart all day. I love rainy days, puts me in a grab a cup of tea and a good book/ cuddle with a blanket mood. I've had some wonderful conversations the last few days as well as encouraging blog posts and some heavenly hints as well. The title of the entry was inspired by a segment I heard on K-Love this afternoon. We all go through many nights, but there is always joy in the morning. It's so true! Each day is a clean slate, a fresh start and we should give thanks for the precious gift of time and the beauty and love God surrounds us with everyday. I should never let any negativity from yesterday or tomorrow ruin the gift of today God has given me. That's why it's called the present . As emotionally trying as this week has been, I need to remember that each day is new with opportunity. Yes things in life may get me down and can effect my mood, but one thing that is certain is that happiness is a choice. I can choose to mope around in whatever situation I find myself in, or I can choose to make the best of it and focus on the good things.
"Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things." -Phillipians 4:8
Despite how the devil is trying to keep my mind focused on the negative, I must focus on the positive. I must enjoy the countless gifts God has given me. When I have these times of hardship, it is so easy to take all of my blessings for granted. I hope that God will always open my eyes to the wonder of His works and His plan. I am so excited to see what He has planned for me and for all of us. I know that His plan will be more spectacular and wonderous that I could ever imagine. And if we go through trials, it is for the perfection of our faith. We are being put through the fire to be refined for His work. I want to Him to be able to use me, and in order for me to be useable, I need to cast my care on Him, rely on Him to make me strong, and trust that He will rescue me from the evil in this world that can plague both our bodies and souls.
Blessed be our God! God of wonders, God of gracious gifts, and the God and Ruler of our hearts and minds!
"This is the day the Lord has made, let us rejoice and be glad in it!"
vs.
"This is the day the Lord has made, so don't screw it up!"
Either way the message gets across, haha. So today I feel LOADS better than I have all week. God in his amazing show off way has yet again amazed me.
Yesterday I was really down as I have been all week and unfortunately due to choked emotions, my singing sounded awful. Crying really effects my vocal chords due to the physical stress placed on my body, which of course aggrivated me to no end this week, especially since it was auditions week. I've been so busy this week that I just kept putting of practicing my harp. I love playing it and I initially took up the instrument because it was so thereputic for me. My previous teacher pushed me to do competitions and to perform, but that simply made me afraid and took the joy out of the music for me. Yesterday I just wanted a release, just a way to release all the negative emotions I'd been feeling the whole week and I couldn't do it by my usual way of singing. I went to the harp room to go practice and I couldn't find my music! Wah! So after searching for about half an hour, I gave up and pulled out the piece I began last spring. I can honestly say I've never played better. It was such an improvement on my playing, but more importantly it was a huge emotional release for me.
I had my harp lesson this morning and I've never seen my teacher so surprised. For 4 years she has struggled to help me relearn how to enjoy the harp. She told me that she had nothing to say about my playing, that I was playing increadibly well. It was such an encouraging thing to hear. I have a renewed love of harp, and what a gift from Him. He knew the desires of my heart and gave me a wonderful gift to embrace, comfort, and strengthen my heart.
I woke up this morning and with God as my only explaination, I've had a smile on my face and in my heart all day. I love rainy days, puts me in a grab a cup of tea and a good book/ cuddle with a blanket mood. I've had some wonderful conversations the last few days as well as encouraging blog posts and some heavenly hints as well. The title of the entry was inspired by a segment I heard on K-Love this afternoon. We all go through many nights, but there is always joy in the morning. It's so true! Each day is a clean slate, a fresh start and we should give thanks for the precious gift of time and the beauty and love God surrounds us with everyday. I should never let any negativity from yesterday or tomorrow ruin the gift of today God has given me. That's why it's called the present . As emotionally trying as this week has been, I need to remember that each day is new with opportunity. Yes things in life may get me down and can effect my mood, but one thing that is certain is that happiness is a choice. I can choose to mope around in whatever situation I find myself in, or I can choose to make the best of it and focus on the good things.
"Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things." -Phillipians 4:8
Despite how the devil is trying to keep my mind focused on the negative, I must focus on the positive. I must enjoy the countless gifts God has given me. When I have these times of hardship, it is so easy to take all of my blessings for granted. I hope that God will always open my eyes to the wonder of His works and His plan. I am so excited to see what He has planned for me and for all of us. I know that His plan will be more spectacular and wonderous that I could ever imagine. And if we go through trials, it is for the perfection of our faith. We are being put through the fire to be refined for His work. I want to Him to be able to use me, and in order for me to be useable, I need to cast my care on Him, rely on Him to make me strong, and trust that He will rescue me from the evil in this world that can plague both our bodies and souls.
Blessed be our God! God of wonders, God of gracious gifts, and the God and Ruler of our hearts and minds!
Still roughing it, but on the down hill slope
Well, this week has been less than desireable.....
Due to increadibly emotionally draining weekend my voice lessons this week have been awful. Apparently that much crying really screws up my vocal chords and I've just been emotionally drained so it's been to the point that I'm just so physically worn out...all week...
Auditions were on Wednesday and I felt that mine went fairly well, but now they aren't posting the call back list for Street Scene until next week = weekend of mental torcher.
And to top it all off I've had the death thoughts returning A LOT this week.
........... so basically I feel like a complete nut case............
"Life will be brighter than noonday, and darkness will become like morning. You will be secure, because there is hope; you will look about you and take your rest in safety. You will lie down, with no one to make you afraid, and many will court your favor." -Job 11:17-19
"Show me your ways, O LORD, teach me your paths; guide me in your truth and teach me, for you are God my Savior, and my hope is in you all day long. Remember, O LORD, your great mercy and love, for they are from of old." -Psalm 25:4-6
"In him our hearts rejoice, for we trust in his holy name. May your unfailing love rest upon us, O LORD, even as we put our hope in you." -Psalm 33:21-22
"Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God." -Psalm 42:5
I hope that the week will get easier. I hate that these thoughts are entering back into my mind. And I feel as if I'm a burden still to those who I've talked to about what's been on my mind lately. It's gradually becoming easier as the week progresses, but it's still difficult. Today I could cry at the drop of a hat. I am just competely drained and I hope that church on Sunday will help revive me. The most difficult part will be getting through my Friday/ Saturday shifts at work this weekend. That is where I feel most alone and vulnerable to my thoughts...note to self go buy some books to read before my shift tomorrow.
On a side note though I do get to hang out with my Little on Saturday morning. I'm picking her up in the morning and we are going bowling and grabbing some lunch afterwards. I'm hoping that it will provide a release for me as well as her.
I just really need to be around happy people. Joy is contagious and boy do I need some. Right now in my life I can't stand to be alone. Normally I don't have a problem with it, I'm kind of used to being a loner, but now I think I've just had too much time alone. I need to be around my strong Christian friends and happy people. God did provide the opportunity for me to spend time with people tonight and for that I'm truly grateful. He knows my needs and he fufills them. Keep me in your prayers and if you would like to hang out sometime this week I would love to have the opportunity to enjoy your company.
"I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God. Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen." -Ephesians 3:16-21
Due to increadibly emotionally draining weekend my voice lessons this week have been awful. Apparently that much crying really screws up my vocal chords and I've just been emotionally drained so it's been to the point that I'm just so physically worn out...all week...
Auditions were on Wednesday and I felt that mine went fairly well, but now they aren't posting the call back list for Street Scene until next week = weekend of mental torcher.
And to top it all off I've had the death thoughts returning A LOT this week.
........... so basically I feel like a complete nut case............
"Life will be brighter than noonday, and darkness will become like morning. You will be secure, because there is hope; you will look about you and take your rest in safety. You will lie down, with no one to make you afraid, and many will court your favor." -Job 11:17-19
"Show me your ways, O LORD, teach me your paths; guide me in your truth and teach me, for you are God my Savior, and my hope is in you all day long. Remember, O LORD, your great mercy and love, for they are from of old." -Psalm 25:4-6
"In him our hearts rejoice, for we trust in his holy name. May your unfailing love rest upon us, O LORD, even as we put our hope in you." -Psalm 33:21-22
"Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God." -Psalm 42:5
I hope that the week will get easier. I hate that these thoughts are entering back into my mind. And I feel as if I'm a burden still to those who I've talked to about what's been on my mind lately. It's gradually becoming easier as the week progresses, but it's still difficult. Today I could cry at the drop of a hat. I am just competely drained and I hope that church on Sunday will help revive me. The most difficult part will be getting through my Friday/ Saturday shifts at work this weekend. That is where I feel most alone and vulnerable to my thoughts...note to self go buy some books to read before my shift tomorrow.
On a side note though I do get to hang out with my Little on Saturday morning. I'm picking her up in the morning and we are going bowling and grabbing some lunch afterwards. I'm hoping that it will provide a release for me as well as her.
I just really need to be around happy people. Joy is contagious and boy do I need some. Right now in my life I can't stand to be alone. Normally I don't have a problem with it, I'm kind of used to being a loner, but now I think I've just had too much time alone. I need to be around my strong Christian friends and happy people. God did provide the opportunity for me to spend time with people tonight and for that I'm truly grateful. He knows my needs and he fufills them. Keep me in your prayers and if you would like to hang out sometime this week I would love to have the opportunity to enjoy your company.
"I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God. Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen." -Ephesians 3:16-21
Rough day...woof...
Hello all….wow what a day…..
Yesterday one thing became very apparent….my parents know me extremely well! They can sense something is wrong before I will even acknowledge it myself. And they are so supportive! So let's have a big cheer for amazing parents!
Yesterday was quite emotionally draining. Not going into all the specifics, but to sum up I don't exactly have the best self image, never have. I'm still in the process of learning to at least accept myself and hopefully one day love myself. I can never focus on any of my accomplishments; I always look at my failures and what I lack.
I look at myself and I see more things I dislike about myself than like. Starting with physical appearances….When I look in the mirror and I don't see pretty. I don't like my physical appearance aka weight, face, hair, etc. Spiritually there is on heck of a battle going on. I see all of my short comings. I see my selfishness and greed. I see my laziness when I don't want to do school work, helping others, daily devotionals I see the people I've let down whether that is people at work, school, friends, family, etc. I see people I've hurt by things I've said or didn't say. I see people I've burdened with my emotional baggage and personal struggles and have been blind to their struggles and pain. I see how weak my faith truly is and that I'm not giving God complete control over everything in my life….It's kind of like I'm the front seat passenger wanna-be-driver. God's driving but I still want to grab the wheel from the passenger seat and of course when I do that I make things worse. I see myself being angry at Him for not letting me be able to control things and allowing certain aspects of my life cause me such anxiety and pain, pain that started when I was very young, pain that no child should have to go through that I still battle everyday. I feel so alone and even abandoned at times. My parents try to help with my battle, but as much as they try to understand, they can't because it isn't their battle, it's mine to face. But I treasure their support and prayers more than anything. Sometimes I feel that I give so much to work, school, other's issues that I don't leave anything to support myself with. I have no self support, no strength left for me when I need it.
I feel happiest when I am able to serve others. When I can teach my voice students the joys of music and performing. Times when I can support my friends through their times of hardship. Brightening someone's day by just doing a random act of kindness. I long to be of service to the people around me because I feel needed, that I am useful. It's probably the one thing about myself that I can honestly say I have no negative thoughts towards.
I pray that God would take this negativity away from me, the personal battle that I've gone through for 12 years and still fight daily, that I would be able to be the person worthy of His love. But that's when it hits me…God allows these circumstances and trials because it forces me to rely on Him. It's these kinds of things that strengthen my faith. And growing in faith is apart of the living process. He has promised to be with me and I shall forever cling to His promises:
"Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, yes, I will help you, I will uphold you with My righteous right hand." –Isaiah 41:10
"My flesh and my heart fail; but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever." –Psalm 73:26
"Be strong and of good courage, do not fear nor be afraid of them; for the Lord your God, He is the One who goes with you. He will not leave you nor forsake you." –Deuteronomy 31:6
"I will not leave you orphans; I will come to you." –John 14:18
"God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble." –Psalm 46:1
"Casting all your care upon Him, for He cares for you." -1Peter 5:7
"Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." –James 1:2-4
Yesterday one thing became very apparent….my parents know me extremely well! They can sense something is wrong before I will even acknowledge it myself. And they are so supportive! So let's have a big cheer for amazing parents!
Yesterday was quite emotionally draining. Not going into all the specifics, but to sum up I don't exactly have the best self image, never have. I'm still in the process of learning to at least accept myself and hopefully one day love myself. I can never focus on any of my accomplishments; I always look at my failures and what I lack.
I look at myself and I see more things I dislike about myself than like. Starting with physical appearances….When I look in the mirror and I don't see pretty. I don't like my physical appearance aka weight, face, hair, etc. Spiritually there is on heck of a battle going on. I see all of my short comings. I see my selfishness and greed. I see my laziness when I don't want to do school work, helping others, daily devotionals I see the people I've let down whether that is people at work, school, friends, family, etc. I see people I've hurt by things I've said or didn't say. I see people I've burdened with my emotional baggage and personal struggles and have been blind to their struggles and pain. I see how weak my faith truly is and that I'm not giving God complete control over everything in my life….It's kind of like I'm the front seat passenger wanna-be-driver. God's driving but I still want to grab the wheel from the passenger seat and of course when I do that I make things worse. I see myself being angry at Him for not letting me be able to control things and allowing certain aspects of my life cause me such anxiety and pain, pain that started when I was very young, pain that no child should have to go through that I still battle everyday. I feel so alone and even abandoned at times. My parents try to help with my battle, but as much as they try to understand, they can't because it isn't their battle, it's mine to face. But I treasure their support and prayers more than anything. Sometimes I feel that I give so much to work, school, other's issues that I don't leave anything to support myself with. I have no self support, no strength left for me when I need it.
I feel happiest when I am able to serve others. When I can teach my voice students the joys of music and performing. Times when I can support my friends through their times of hardship. Brightening someone's day by just doing a random act of kindness. I long to be of service to the people around me because I feel needed, that I am useful. It's probably the one thing about myself that I can honestly say I have no negative thoughts towards.
I pray that God would take this negativity away from me, the personal battle that I've gone through for 12 years and still fight daily, that I would be able to be the person worthy of His love. But that's when it hits me…God allows these circumstances and trials because it forces me to rely on Him. It's these kinds of things that strengthen my faith. And growing in faith is apart of the living process. He has promised to be with me and I shall forever cling to His promises:
"Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, yes, I will help you, I will uphold you with My righteous right hand." –Isaiah 41:10
"My flesh and my heart fail; but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever." –Psalm 73:26
"Be strong and of good courage, do not fear nor be afraid of them; for the Lord your God, He is the One who goes with you. He will not leave you nor forsake you." –Deuteronomy 31:6
"I will not leave you orphans; I will come to you." –John 14:18
"God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble." –Psalm 46:1
"Casting all your care upon Him, for He cares for you." -1Peter 5:7
"Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." –James 1:2-4
...backsliding....argh...
So long story short.....I screwed up today.....le sigh.....
I've been rather irritable today because of stress for opera auditions and learning a monologue/ getting homework done/ scheduling in new voice students for lessons/ volunteering for BBBG/ getting basically back into the swing of school and the ridiculous homework load that goes with it/ and last but not least finding out that i have the wrong german workbook and that I wasn't sent the correct music history anthology I ordered and I now have to ship them back..............and wait longer to get the actually copies while I'm supposed to be doing homework in them in the mean time?....argh......
Long story tried to be made short....My parents and little sister came to visit me this weekend and I'm excited to spend time with them.....however my apartment isn't exactly clean because I've been trying to get the above things figured out amongst other things, and I had to come in early today which was valuable time to get cleaning/ homework/ etc done.....but what do I do when my mom comes over to talk? I bite her head off for no reason! WHY?! I have no idea....she didn't deserve it, that's for sure. Now she's talking about leaving tomorrow afternoon....argh....
I'm so frustrated with myself because I'm falling into the old habits. I'm letting myself become obsessed with work and school again, and that's not what I want. I want to keep my faith my focus. I realize that when my faith looses the main focus, that's when I get irritable with people or get into foul moods, become upset, etc. I'm just tired plain and simple and I don't have enough hours in the day to get done what I want to get done. I also need to remind myself that it's okay to say no to people...I need to learn how to other wise I will continue down this path of frustration.
"By this all will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another." - John 13:35
"For if our heart condemns us, God is greater than our heart, and knows all things." - 1 John 3:20
"Let us draw near with a true heart in full assurance of faith, having our hearts sprinkled from an evil conscience and our bodies washed with pure water." -Hebrews 10:22
"Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passes away; behold, all things have become new." -2 Corinthians 5:17
"For he who lacks these things is shortsighted, even to blindness, and has forgotten that he was purged from his old sins. Therefore, brotheren, be even more diligent to make your calling and election sure, for if you do these things you will never stumble." -2 Peter 1:9-10
"I will heal their backsliding, I will love them freely, for My anger has turned away from him." - Hosea 14:4
So first things first, I need to apologize to my mom and somehow make up for my rudeness to her. Secondly I need to stop consistantly worrying about what all of the little stuff, because in the long run it's really not going to matter all that much. And most importantly I need to share my concerns with God, period.
So as the school year gets started....keep me in your thoughts and prayers as I continue to try and reprioritize my life.
"I would have lost heart, unless I had believed that I would see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait on the Lord; be of good courage, and He shall strengthen your heart; wait, I say, on the Lord!" -Psalm 27:13-14
I've been rather irritable today because of stress for opera auditions and learning a monologue/ getting homework done/ scheduling in new voice students for lessons/ volunteering for BBBG/ getting basically back into the swing of school and the ridiculous homework load that goes with it/ and last but not least finding out that i have the wrong german workbook and that I wasn't sent the correct music history anthology I ordered and I now have to ship them back..............and wait longer to get the actually copies while I'm supposed to be doing homework in them in the mean time?....argh......
Long story tried to be made short....My parents and little sister came to visit me this weekend and I'm excited to spend time with them.....however my apartment isn't exactly clean because I've been trying to get the above things figured out amongst other things, and I had to come in early today which was valuable time to get cleaning/ homework/ etc done.....but what do I do when my mom comes over to talk? I bite her head off for no reason! WHY?! I have no idea....she didn't deserve it, that's for sure. Now she's talking about leaving tomorrow afternoon....argh....
I'm so frustrated with myself because I'm falling into the old habits. I'm letting myself become obsessed with work and school again, and that's not what I want. I want to keep my faith my focus. I realize that when my faith looses the main focus, that's when I get irritable with people or get into foul moods, become upset, etc. I'm just tired plain and simple and I don't have enough hours in the day to get done what I want to get done. I also need to remind myself that it's okay to say no to people...I need to learn how to other wise I will continue down this path of frustration.
"By this all will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another." - John 13:35
"For if our heart condemns us, God is greater than our heart, and knows all things." - 1 John 3:20
"Let us draw near with a true heart in full assurance of faith, having our hearts sprinkled from an evil conscience and our bodies washed with pure water." -Hebrews 10:22
"Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passes away; behold, all things have become new." -2 Corinthians 5:17
"For he who lacks these things is shortsighted, even to blindness, and has forgotten that he was purged from his old sins. Therefore, brotheren, be even more diligent to make your calling and election sure, for if you do these things you will never stumble." -2 Peter 1:9-10
"I will heal their backsliding, I will love them freely, for My anger has turned away from him." - Hosea 14:4
So first things first, I need to apologize to my mom and somehow make up for my rudeness to her. Secondly I need to stop consistantly worrying about what all of the little stuff, because in the long run it's really not going to matter all that much. And most importantly I need to share my concerns with God, period.
So as the school year gets started....keep me in your thoughts and prayers as I continue to try and reprioritize my life.
"I would have lost heart, unless I had believed that I would see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait on the Lord; be of good courage, and He shall strengthen your heart; wait, I say, on the Lord!" -Psalm 27:13-14
Driving the point home
Looks like a certain heavenly someone likes to drive a point home.....I was looking at my precious bible promises and there it was...
"A man's heart plans his way, but the Lord directs his steps." -Proverbs 16:9
So despite the fact that I try to make my own plans, it doesn't matter because He will still shove me in the direction He wants me to follow. I finished reading "Reckless Faith" today and it blew me away. This book was like reading my inner thoughts, having my own plans instead of listening to what God is telling my heart. But in one of the chapters, Beth talks about learning how to stop following our own plans that are self-glorifying and to follow the plan God has created for us, to serve others. It really hit home. I didn't start freaking out about not getting a large part until I started listening to what others though I should do verses listening to the plan that I had already intended to follow, God's plan. He has a reason why I can't financially be in the fall opera...I'm paying off debt from being unemployed this summer for 2 months, volunteering for BBBS, getting in a women's bible study, and starting to teach voice lessons. I'm so excited for the possibilities!!! And at this point I can accept that I might not receive a role this year, but that's okay. He has a plan for me....and although I can't see the entire project, I know that I just have to trust Him...It's called faith, and something that I should have a bit more of. It's time that I stopped being self centered and learn how to serve others. God is good. I like to brag about Him now, I think He's pretty spiffy!
as Beth & Gabby would say....Daddy has a plan !
"A man's heart plans his way, but the Lord directs his steps." -Proverbs 16:9
So despite the fact that I try to make my own plans, it doesn't matter because He will still shove me in the direction He wants me to follow. I finished reading "Reckless Faith" today and it blew me away. This book was like reading my inner thoughts, having my own plans instead of listening to what God is telling my heart. But in one of the chapters, Beth talks about learning how to stop following our own plans that are self-glorifying and to follow the plan God has created for us, to serve others. It really hit home. I didn't start freaking out about not getting a large part until I started listening to what others though I should do verses listening to the plan that I had already intended to follow, God's plan. He has a reason why I can't financially be in the fall opera...I'm paying off debt from being unemployed this summer for 2 months, volunteering for BBBS, getting in a women's bible study, and starting to teach voice lessons. I'm so excited for the possibilities!!! And at this point I can accept that I might not receive a role this year, but that's okay. He has a plan for me....and although I can't see the entire project, I know that I just have to trust Him...It's called faith, and something that I should have a bit more of. It's time that I stopped being self centered and learn how to serve others. God is good. I like to brag about Him now, I think He's pretty spiffy!
as Beth & Gabby would say....Daddy has a plan !
Freakout...wah!
So I am in the usual freak out mode for opera auditions this year. I am freaking out more than usual this year because there are so many grad students, very talented grad students, and being a senior I don't want to not have a part. I wasn't planning on auditioning for the fall opera because I need to pay off my debt from this summer and I can't afford to not work less than 3 shifts a week. I now want to audition because I'm afraid that I won't have a role.
In the book "Reckless Faith" by Beth Gugenberger that I've been reading, it talks about learning how to stop making all of these back up plans and learn to just trust in God. I have to learn how to let go, because I really don't have any control anyways.
I'm afraid what will happen if I'm not in a show. It scares me and I'm not sure what I will do because performing is what I live for. I want my directors to be understanding of the fact that I have to work otherwise I won't be able to afford to pay my bills, food and pay off my debt. I would love to be in both shows, but I just can't afford it. If I auditioned for the fall opera, I would have to rearrange my voice students, find someone to cover part of my shift at work on Fridays and take a pay cut, wouldn't be able to get out of debt and struggle to make minimum payments, and miss the Bible study I REQUESTED (aka not acceptable). I want them to be understanding of my situation, but it's so hard to not have any control over it and to know who and what my competition is. I'm so upset and worried and ACK!
So I'm not sure what the future holds, but I'm trying my best to let God handle it without making my own back up plans.
"Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight." -Proverbs 3: 5-6
In the book "Reckless Faith" by Beth Gugenberger that I've been reading, it talks about learning how to stop making all of these back up plans and learn to just trust in God. I have to learn how to let go, because I really don't have any control anyways.
I'm afraid what will happen if I'm not in a show. It scares me and I'm not sure what I will do because performing is what I live for. I want my directors to be understanding of the fact that I have to work otherwise I won't be able to afford to pay my bills, food and pay off my debt. I would love to be in both shows, but I just can't afford it. If I auditioned for the fall opera, I would have to rearrange my voice students, find someone to cover part of my shift at work on Fridays and take a pay cut, wouldn't be able to get out of debt and struggle to make minimum payments, and miss the Bible study I REQUESTED (aka not acceptable). I want them to be understanding of my situation, but it's so hard to not have any control over it and to know who and what my competition is. I'm so upset and worried and ACK!
So I'm not sure what the future holds, but I'm trying my best to let God handle it without making my own back up plans.
"Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight." -Proverbs 3: 5-6
God is good...All the time!
Hello all! Today God amazed me yet again, dang he's good!
Okay, so after my trip yesterday I was pooped. I was in need of sleep and in a big way! So last night before I got off work I decided to not go to the churches I had initially planned to attend today and go to the 10:45 at St.Andrew's where the Duncan family is preaching and in the pews . Yesterday made me realize how much this family has come to mean to me over the past year. They aren't here just by chance, I know that the Lord put them in my life and man are they great! I really feel like I'm at home when I'm with them and it's that feeling of home that I've missed sooooooooooooo much! And this morning when I went to the pew they sat in, I was instantly welcomed with hugs, man it felt AWESOME! This is the type of fellowship that I've missed so much. That feeling of family and support that we all have for each other. God didn't create man to be alone, and yes you do need time alone with God...but he created the church for fellowship, to hold each other accountable, to support and lift each other up in our hardships, rejoice in each others blessings, and to worship our creator together. This is one increadible gift that God gives us, the opportunity to have fellowship with other believers. I never realized how much I missed my church home and even took it for granted until I didn't have it.
The message this morning was also no coincidence. God spoke volumes to me this morning. We read 1 Corinthians 15:50-58. But the verse that spoke to me the most was verse 58.
"Therefore, my dear brothers, stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain." -1 Corinthians 15: 58
Wow, how powerful is that?! My soul keeps yearning for this kind of encouragement and promise....Stand firm. Let nothing move you.......What a statement. He is commanding me to let NOTHING move me, aka my faith and trust in him, my convictions. This means others around me, my own thoughts that I try to keep focused on righteous things vs. my fears. This passage makes it so clear that if I devote my life and my will to Him, He will fufill me with a purpose; a work in His plan. He has a plan for me and for all of you! You are an irreplacable piece in His work.
I was also given a book to read by Melissa called "Reckless Faith" by Beth Guckenberger. It came out a little over a week ago and it is AMAZING!!! Talk about giving over your will to God! Definitely a must read! The faith that this woman talkes about is the faith that I desire to have. She doesn't try to make all of these back up plans, she simply trusts that her heavenly Father will provide for her and the orphans she works with in Moneterry, Mexico. Melissa gave me this book because I've told her that God has planted this huge desire in me to nurture, a huge desire! She gave me this book to read, and man what an impact it has had on me. I used to be afraid of being a mother, I used to say that I never wanted to have kids ever. But now I know that I need and want to be a mother someday more than anything. I used to be afraid that I would screw up my child's life in so many ways...so I simply thought, "I love you hypothetical child so much that I just won't have you so I can't screw you up." Not the mind set I should have at all. What an amazing adventure to be a mother! I can't even begin to imagine how all of you moms do it! I've suddenly discovered that if you trust God with everything, you find yourself in unknown territory and that can be quite frightening at times...but at the same time God shows you wonderous things in those moments, show's his plan in action. I know that being a parent is a take it as you go kinda thing...although it would be nice if you could birth out a parenting manual after the kid, oh well....but what an experience to make you rely on God to show you what to do. Wah! Great realizations, I love 'em!
Anyways, below is the link for an interview with the author, Beth, of "Reckless Faith". She shares one of her many experiences about how God always has a plan for each and everyone of us. I strongly encourage you to at least watch the video clip...but really try to read the book!!!
http://www.familychristian.com/shop/product.asp?prodID=56802
Okay, so after my trip yesterday I was pooped. I was in need of sleep and in a big way! So last night before I got off work I decided to not go to the churches I had initially planned to attend today and go to the 10:45 at St.Andrew's where the Duncan family is preaching and in the pews . Yesterday made me realize how much this family has come to mean to me over the past year. They aren't here just by chance, I know that the Lord put them in my life and man are they great! I really feel like I'm at home when I'm with them and it's that feeling of home that I've missed sooooooooooooo much! And this morning when I went to the pew they sat in, I was instantly welcomed with hugs, man it felt AWESOME! This is the type of fellowship that I've missed so much. That feeling of family and support that we all have for each other. God didn't create man to be alone, and yes you do need time alone with God...but he created the church for fellowship, to hold each other accountable, to support and lift each other up in our hardships, rejoice in each others blessings, and to worship our creator together. This is one increadible gift that God gives us, the opportunity to have fellowship with other believers. I never realized how much I missed my church home and even took it for granted until I didn't have it.
The message this morning was also no coincidence. God spoke volumes to me this morning. We read 1 Corinthians 15:50-58. But the verse that spoke to me the most was verse 58.
"Therefore, my dear brothers, stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain." -1 Corinthians 15: 58
Wow, how powerful is that?! My soul keeps yearning for this kind of encouragement and promise....Stand firm. Let nothing move you.......What a statement. He is commanding me to let NOTHING move me, aka my faith and trust in him, my convictions. This means others around me, my own thoughts that I try to keep focused on righteous things vs. my fears. This passage makes it so clear that if I devote my life and my will to Him, He will fufill me with a purpose; a work in His plan. He has a plan for me and for all of you! You are an irreplacable piece in His work.
I was also given a book to read by Melissa called "Reckless Faith" by Beth Guckenberger. It came out a little over a week ago and it is AMAZING!!! Talk about giving over your will to God! Definitely a must read! The faith that this woman talkes about is the faith that I desire to have. She doesn't try to make all of these back up plans, she simply trusts that her heavenly Father will provide for her and the orphans she works with in Moneterry, Mexico. Melissa gave me this book because I've told her that God has planted this huge desire in me to nurture, a huge desire! She gave me this book to read, and man what an impact it has had on me. I used to be afraid of being a mother, I used to say that I never wanted to have kids ever. But now I know that I need and want to be a mother someday more than anything. I used to be afraid that I would screw up my child's life in so many ways...so I simply thought, "I love you hypothetical child so much that I just won't have you so I can't screw you up." Not the mind set I should have at all. What an amazing adventure to be a mother! I can't even begin to imagine how all of you moms do it! I've suddenly discovered that if you trust God with everything, you find yourself in unknown territory and that can be quite frightening at times...but at the same time God shows you wonderous things in those moments, show's his plan in action. I know that being a parent is a take it as you go kinda thing...although it would be nice if you could birth out a parenting manual after the kid, oh well....but what an experience to make you rely on God to show you what to do. Wah! Great realizations, I love 'em!
Anyways, below is the link for an interview with the author, Beth, of "Reckless Faith". She shares one of her many experiences about how God always has a plan for each and everyone of us. I strongly encourage you to at least watch the video clip...but really try to read the book!!!
http://www.familychristian.com/shop/product.asp?prodID=56802
Soul Refresher, ahh :)
New day = fresh outlook on things...
Okay, so yesterday might have been slightly dramatic in my entry, but at the same time just realizing what needs to be dealt with/ fixed. God works in amazing ways, that is for sure :)
So 2 nights ago I was at the Duncan's house made up of a lutheran pastor, wife who runs the ULC, and 2 amazing young ladies my age that I go to school with. I was over there talking with Melissa about the ULC and she invited me to go with her to a campus ministry meeting today at 7am. So as most of you know 7am isn't exactly a functioning time for me, but I really felt compelled to go. So we drove to Emporia at 7am and had a 3.5 hour meeting over various topics, issues, etc. But they talked about other college ministries that really caught my attention. There is a college in Lawrence KS for Native Americans and LCMS has a ministry there. But some of these young adults are dropped off there with just the clothes on their back! Who am I to complain about finances? In short it really put my situation in perspective.
Today I feel so much better, simply because 1) my situation was put in perspective, 2) I got to talk to Melissa about all sorts of things about my faith for about 3 hours worth of driving, 3)God is good all the time.
How true it is that God knows our needs and will provide for us. I shouldn't be freaking out about all of these things. Tomorrow has enough worries of it's own, so just focus on today and live my life in His example. Something else that was shown to me was how refreshing it was to be around this family for a day. It reminded me so much of home and of my former church family. Just to be in a loving Christian environment did wonders for my soul. God even fills the needs that I didn't even realize. He's pretty spiffy I'd say .
So all in all today was an eye opener/ refresher for my spirit about what life is about. I know that I need to use God as my first resort for when I'm worried, not 2nd, 3rd and most definitely not last. He will give me what I need when He sees fit, and I just need to trust in Him. Ahh....I feel like a huge burden has been lifted from my shoulders. Thanks God!
Okay, so yesterday might have been slightly dramatic in my entry, but at the same time just realizing what needs to be dealt with/ fixed. God works in amazing ways, that is for sure :)
So 2 nights ago I was at the Duncan's house made up of a lutheran pastor, wife who runs the ULC, and 2 amazing young ladies my age that I go to school with. I was over there talking with Melissa about the ULC and she invited me to go with her to a campus ministry meeting today at 7am. So as most of you know 7am isn't exactly a functioning time for me, but I really felt compelled to go. So we drove to Emporia at 7am and had a 3.5 hour meeting over various topics, issues, etc. But they talked about other college ministries that really caught my attention. There is a college in Lawrence KS for Native Americans and LCMS has a ministry there. But some of these young adults are dropped off there with just the clothes on their back! Who am I to complain about finances? In short it really put my situation in perspective.
Today I feel so much better, simply because 1) my situation was put in perspective, 2) I got to talk to Melissa about all sorts of things about my faith for about 3 hours worth of driving, 3)God is good all the time.
How true it is that God knows our needs and will provide for us. I shouldn't be freaking out about all of these things. Tomorrow has enough worries of it's own, so just focus on today and live my life in His example. Something else that was shown to me was how refreshing it was to be around this family for a day. It reminded me so much of home and of my former church family. Just to be in a loving Christian environment did wonders for my soul. God even fills the needs that I didn't even realize. He's pretty spiffy I'd say .
So all in all today was an eye opener/ refresher for my spirit about what life is about. I know that I need to use God as my first resort for when I'm worried, not 2nd, 3rd and most definitely not last. He will give me what I need when He sees fit, and I just need to trust in Him. Ahh....I feel like a huge burden has been lifted from my shoulders. Thanks God!
Ack!!!
So 2 things are bothering me immensely at the moment......
****this entry is not directed at any one specific person, so just let me rant****
1) People who are depressed and cynical all the time and find no joy in life/ pick on others and make fun of their happiness
2) People who don't understand what I stand for living a Christian lifestyleSo frustrating today!
Just because I'm a Christian doesn't mean that I'm a pushover or won't "do anything with my life". I know that I'm heading in the right direction for my life. With God it's all or nothing, PERIOD! He has given me the gift of music, and I love performing. I feel that it is what he has called me to do. I've still got another 2 years before I get my Bachelor's and another 3 years for Grad school. I'm doing what I know I need to be doing this semester. I'm not auditioning for the fall opera because I'm sick of Gilbert and Sullivan and Iolanthe isn't a show that people will ooo and ahh over on my resume. I need to start looking at grad schools! I want to take the time to learn senior recital rep this year, but really attack new repetoire this semester and start finding audition arias. I need to be able to work to support myself. And most importantly find a church home and soon.
JUST BECAUSE I'M A PERFORMER DOESN'T MEAN THAT I HAVE TO BE A JERK OR NOT LIVE MY LIFE THE WAY I KNOW GOD WISHES.
People are so afraid of Christians and the lifestyle we've been called to lead. They think that if we are living the godly lifestyle that we must not be enjoying life or doing what we truly desire....NOT TRUE! They also seem to think that it's a cop out. It's NOT! I feel that I consistantly have to shout from the rooftops to get people to understand why I live my life by these standards. It's not hard to understand if you just let your guard down and open your eyes. Anyone who knows me well can tell that this is the happiest I've been in YEARS!
Secondly, I'm sick and tired of people who are depressed and cynical! How dare you make fun and rip apart someone else's happiness? It is a choice to be happy, A CHOICE! You can choose to let past circumstances dictate your life and be miserable, or you can get over it and move on! Find the things in life that make you happy and just do them! If there's one phrase I've heard over and over again is that someone has had it worse than you. It's true, so stop feeling sorry for yourself and get over it!WAH! I'm sorry that this has been a rather downer entry, but I know that these things aren't of God. I live following His example in hopes that people can see the difference. Being a Christian is not a guarentee that life will be easy, it's actually more of a guarentee that life will be harder. We will be put through trials, and that includes people hurting our feelings and telling us we don't "have our head on straight".
"Hearken unto me, ye that know righteousness, the people in whose heart is my law; fear ye not the reproach of men, neither be ye afraid of their revilings. For the moth shall eat them up like a garment, and the worm shall eat them like wool: but my righteousness shall be for ever, and my salvation from generation to generation" (Isaiah 51:7, 8)
"There is therefore now no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus, who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit. Who shall lay any thing to the charge of God's elect? It is God that justifieth. Who is he that condemneth? It is Christ that died, yea rather, that is risen again, who is even at the right hand of God, who also maketh intercession for us" (Romans 8:1, 33, 34)
I know that God will help me get over my anger and frustrations. I will continue to live th life He has called me to live and the life I WANT to live. To close I want to leave with one of my favorite scriptures that my dad introduced me too.
"He has showed you, O man, what is good. And what does the LORD require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God" -Micah 6:8
****this entry is not directed at any one specific person, so just let me rant****
1) People who are depressed and cynical all the time and find no joy in life/ pick on others and make fun of their happiness
2) People who don't understand what I stand for living a Christian lifestyleSo frustrating today!
Just because I'm a Christian doesn't mean that I'm a pushover or won't "do anything with my life". I know that I'm heading in the right direction for my life. With God it's all or nothing, PERIOD! He has given me the gift of music, and I love performing. I feel that it is what he has called me to do. I've still got another 2 years before I get my Bachelor's and another 3 years for Grad school. I'm doing what I know I need to be doing this semester. I'm not auditioning for the fall opera because I'm sick of Gilbert and Sullivan and Iolanthe isn't a show that people will ooo and ahh over on my resume. I need to start looking at grad schools! I want to take the time to learn senior recital rep this year, but really attack new repetoire this semester and start finding audition arias. I need to be able to work to support myself. And most importantly find a church home and soon.
JUST BECAUSE I'M A PERFORMER DOESN'T MEAN THAT I HAVE TO BE A JERK OR NOT LIVE MY LIFE THE WAY I KNOW GOD WISHES.
People are so afraid of Christians and the lifestyle we've been called to lead. They think that if we are living the godly lifestyle that we must not be enjoying life or doing what we truly desire....NOT TRUE! They also seem to think that it's a cop out. It's NOT! I feel that I consistantly have to shout from the rooftops to get people to understand why I live my life by these standards. It's not hard to understand if you just let your guard down and open your eyes. Anyone who knows me well can tell that this is the happiest I've been in YEARS!
Secondly, I'm sick and tired of people who are depressed and cynical! How dare you make fun and rip apart someone else's happiness? It is a choice to be happy, A CHOICE! You can choose to let past circumstances dictate your life and be miserable, or you can get over it and move on! Find the things in life that make you happy and just do them! If there's one phrase I've heard over and over again is that someone has had it worse than you. It's true, so stop feeling sorry for yourself and get over it!WAH! I'm sorry that this has been a rather downer entry, but I know that these things aren't of God. I live following His example in hopes that people can see the difference. Being a Christian is not a guarentee that life will be easy, it's actually more of a guarentee that life will be harder. We will be put through trials, and that includes people hurting our feelings and telling us we don't "have our head on straight".
"Hearken unto me, ye that know righteousness, the people in whose heart is my law; fear ye not the reproach of men, neither be ye afraid of their revilings. For the moth shall eat them up like a garment, and the worm shall eat them like wool: but my righteousness shall be for ever, and my salvation from generation to generation" (Isaiah 51:7, 8)
"There is therefore now no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus, who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit. Who shall lay any thing to the charge of God's elect? It is God that justifieth. Who is he that condemneth? It is Christ that died, yea rather, that is risen again, who is even at the right hand of God, who also maketh intercession for us" (Romans 8:1, 33, 34)
I know that God will help me get over my anger and frustrations. I will continue to live th life He has called me to live and the life I WANT to live. To close I want to leave with one of my favorite scriptures that my dad introduced me too.
"He has showed you, O man, what is good. And what does the LORD require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God" -Micah 6:8
Need to calm my spirit
Okay kids, here goes....
I went to a new church today, I'm still hunting for a new church home. I went to Central Community Christian Church off of Ridge and Maple. I felt extremely uncomfortable during the worship part of the service, despite the fact that it was the traditional service vs the contemporary. I enjoyed the sermon, especially since the pastor STAYED IN THE BIBLE THE WHOLE TIME! It seems that churches today like to tell stories about personal experience and poems and so forth for sermons instead of being in the word. It's been very frustrating for me in this whole finding a new church home deal due to this. I liked the sermon and felt uncomfortable for the other half of the service, so it's kind of a "well huh" decision right now for me. I'm still poking around a few different churches. I don't feel that I should put a rush on it. And even though it's so hard to go by myself into a new church where I know absolutely no one, it's a process that needs to be done. I also can't have these expectations that I'm going to feel right at home the first time I go to any church. It takes time to build those relationships.
So again I'm at work, and yet again alone for the most part. I am having those lonely feelings again, similar to yesterdays, but not the same. Today I feel lonely because of the whole church home shopping bit. It's sooooooooooo hard! Now I'm beginning to fully appriciate the sound church home I had in KCMO. It would make this so much better if I had someone to go with me, but on a side note...No one is going to hold my hand when I go to meet my maker, so suck it up Mandy! (he he) As harsh as the truth is, it's the truth and I've got to learn to be a big girl, step up to the plate, and do what God requires of me....and that means overcoming my fear of being alone.
But that is the neat part, I'm never alone because He's with me always!
"The LORD had said to Abram, 'Leave your country, your people and your father's household and go to the land I will show you.' " -Genesis 12:1
"I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will guide you with My eye." -Psalm 32:8
"Commit you works to the Lord, and your thoughts will be established." -Proverbs 1:23
So basically I just need to focus on Him and listen to what He speaks to my heart. He will make it clear the way I should go, and that includes my future church home. Keep me in your prayers as I go further on in the search for where God wants me to be! Hugs!
I went to a new church today, I'm still hunting for a new church home. I went to Central Community Christian Church off of Ridge and Maple. I felt extremely uncomfortable during the worship part of the service, despite the fact that it was the traditional service vs the contemporary. I enjoyed the sermon, especially since the pastor STAYED IN THE BIBLE THE WHOLE TIME! It seems that churches today like to tell stories about personal experience and poems and so forth for sermons instead of being in the word. It's been very frustrating for me in this whole finding a new church home deal due to this. I liked the sermon and felt uncomfortable for the other half of the service, so it's kind of a "well huh" decision right now for me. I'm still poking around a few different churches. I don't feel that I should put a rush on it. And even though it's so hard to go by myself into a new church where I know absolutely no one, it's a process that needs to be done. I also can't have these expectations that I'm going to feel right at home the first time I go to any church. It takes time to build those relationships.
So again I'm at work, and yet again alone for the most part. I am having those lonely feelings again, similar to yesterdays, but not the same. Today I feel lonely because of the whole church home shopping bit. It's sooooooooooo hard! Now I'm beginning to fully appriciate the sound church home I had in KCMO. It would make this so much better if I had someone to go with me, but on a side note...No one is going to hold my hand when I go to meet my maker, so suck it up Mandy! (he he) As harsh as the truth is, it's the truth and I've got to learn to be a big girl, step up to the plate, and do what God requires of me....and that means overcoming my fear of being alone.
But that is the neat part, I'm never alone because He's with me always!
"The LORD had said to Abram, 'Leave your country, your people and your father's household and go to the land I will show you.' " -Genesis 12:1
"I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will guide you with My eye." -Psalm 32:8
"Commit you works to the Lord, and your thoughts will be established." -Proverbs 1:23
So basically I just need to focus on Him and listen to what He speaks to my heart. He will make it clear the way I should go, and that includes my future church home. Keep me in your prayers as I go further on in the search for where God wants me to be! Hugs!
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