Okay, so this might actually be a relatively short entry...ha ha....
So this weekend I don't really have tons going on, just working and house sitting for one of my professors. At work today I started spacing out again about being alone/ death....When will this end!!! Ack! This is sooooo frustrating! If this is part of being an adult/ having thoughts of lonliness and death pop into my head, man have I got my work cut out for me.
I was given a book called Precious Bible Promises from my mom, who got it as a gift from my dad in 92'. I carry it with me always now. It definitely has been extremely useful. I don't know why my brain keeps plugging in these thoughts of loneliness and death....they seem to occur when I'm alone mostly, and that would definitely qualify at the moment since I'm at work. I don't really have anything social planned for this weekend, so that doesn't help much. But whenever these thoughts get in my head I pull out my Precious Bible Promises and start reading. The sections I find myself looking at most of the time are Faith, In Faith & Trust, In Maturity, In Security, In Finding His Will, In Times of Fear, In Times of Loneliness. Basically all of these titles sum up what runs through my head whenever I am lonely. It stinks, not gonna lie.
"There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves torment. But he who fears has not been made perfect in love." -1 John 4:18
"The Lord is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? The Lord is the strength of my life; of whom shall I be afraid?" -Psalm 27:1
"Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, yes, I will help you, I will uphold you with My righteous right hand." -Isaiah 41:10
As usual, my sinful human nature is struggling with my faith. These thoughts are normal, but I can't focus on them. God has given me a specific purpose, and if I choose to focus on these fears, A. I won't be living in the land of the living and B. my job won't get done. Can I just say that I love this faith blog! God has given it to me as a gift, as a way of putting out my thoughts so I can see them outside of my head. By the time I finish writing and reread what I've written, I have such a peace about what God says to me in His word. What an awesome guy! Ah....I feel so much better already . And to make myself feel even better I'm gonna go look at my planner.........yup, I am pretty much full through Thursday next week. What an amazing God who knows what I need and when I need it. He provides me with fantastic friends and activites to help me in overcoming my fears that pop into my head. Maybe I should get a different view point on death. Maybe everytime a fearful thought about death pops into my head I should think of a plus. Example, death is when I finally get to be reunited with my maker and spend eternity with Him in paradise. Death can also be a welcomed release from this sinful and dreary world. I can think of all the people who are already in paradise with Christ, think of the people there waiting for me. Wow, what a different perspective! God can use my crazy thoughts for good, haha!
To end this entry I've got 2 more verses....I hope you all have a good day and I'll be back soon, Hugs to all!
"Be stron and of good courage, do not fear nor be afraid of them; for the Lord your God, He is the One who goes with you. He will not leave you nor forsake you." -Deuteronomy 31:6
"Therefore you now have sorrow; but I will see you again and your heart will rejoice, and your joy no one will take from you." -John 16:22
Sunday, June 14, 2009
My Relationship with God vs. my Dating Relationships....different of the same?
Hello all, sorry it's been a few days since I've been able to write. I don't have internet at the apartment, figured I could save $50 a month by just using the internet at school or work. Anywho....Hope you all are well.
So as some of you know I was seeing a guy before I left for the summer. We were kind of in that dating limbo where it's definitely not casual dating anymore, but we haven't talked about dating each other exclusively. I had been seeing him for over a month before I left...maybe in the ballpark of 2 months, not sure...he had said that he would miss me, call me, and would want to see me when I got back. Long story short, there was a 5 week period where I had no form of communication from him whatsoever. I was really hurt and it made me feel completely inadequate as a person, even for someone who was acting like a jerk. He got back into Wichita 2 days after I did and he popped by my work, which was very unusual for him. He said he would call about hanging out on Wednesday, the call never came.
I have made a realization over the past day and a half. My dating relationship and my relationship with God should be treated in the same sense. Now I know it must sound creepy thinking that I should be dating my heavenly "Father", but Christ refers to the church as His bride, so why not?
"As a young man marries a maiden, so will your sons marry you; as a bridegroom rejoices over his bride, so will your God rejoice over you." -Isaiah 62:5
"Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church— for we are members of his body." -Ephesians 5:25-30
That's the kind of love God wants me to have in my life. Not the kind that forgets me, or doesn't see me for anything but my body, or doesn't want to spend time with me. Right now what I feel God wants me to do is to date Him. God wants to talk to me everyday, multiple times a day!!! He wrote me love letters, His word, that I should read daily as a reminder of His love for me as well as my to do list to live a life pleasing to Him. He has given me life here on earth but also for eternity with Him. He has given me everything! I am a people pleaser at heart, but I long to please my Lord. Nothing I do will come even close to what He has done for me, but I live in His way out of gratitude. He gives me little surprises just because....like flowers, funny animals (even my hamster that chases me in his ball, haha) amazing friends new and old, MUSIC!, and the list could go on and on and on.
What wonderous love is this....no truer words could ever be spoken. What could I possibly compare it to? What could ever surpass it? I need to focus on my "dating" relationship with my Lord and Savior. Only after growing more and more with Him will He bring me the right man in my life. I need a man after God's own heart, and who to better pick out that man for me than God Himself?
As I search for a church home, I know it will be difficult, but I know that I will grow in my relationship with Him, and that is what truly counts!
Hope you all have a fabulous day!
So as some of you know I was seeing a guy before I left for the summer. We were kind of in that dating limbo where it's definitely not casual dating anymore, but we haven't talked about dating each other exclusively. I had been seeing him for over a month before I left...maybe in the ballpark of 2 months, not sure...he had said that he would miss me, call me, and would want to see me when I got back. Long story short, there was a 5 week period where I had no form of communication from him whatsoever. I was really hurt and it made me feel completely inadequate as a person, even for someone who was acting like a jerk. He got back into Wichita 2 days after I did and he popped by my work, which was very unusual for him. He said he would call about hanging out on Wednesday, the call never came.
I have made a realization over the past day and a half. My dating relationship and my relationship with God should be treated in the same sense. Now I know it must sound creepy thinking that I should be dating my heavenly "Father", but Christ refers to the church as His bride, so why not?
"As a young man marries a maiden, so will your sons marry you; as a bridegroom rejoices over his bride, so will your God rejoice over you." -Isaiah 62:5
"Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church— for we are members of his body." -Ephesians 5:25-30
That's the kind of love God wants me to have in my life. Not the kind that forgets me, or doesn't see me for anything but my body, or doesn't want to spend time with me. Right now what I feel God wants me to do is to date Him. God wants to talk to me everyday, multiple times a day!!! He wrote me love letters, His word, that I should read daily as a reminder of His love for me as well as my to do list to live a life pleasing to Him. He has given me life here on earth but also for eternity with Him. He has given me everything! I am a people pleaser at heart, but I long to please my Lord. Nothing I do will come even close to what He has done for me, but I live in His way out of gratitude. He gives me little surprises just because....like flowers, funny animals (even my hamster that chases me in his ball, haha) amazing friends new and old, MUSIC!, and the list could go on and on and on.
What wonderous love is this....no truer words could ever be spoken. What could I possibly compare it to? What could ever surpass it? I need to focus on my "dating" relationship with my Lord and Savior. Only after growing more and more with Him will He bring me the right man in my life. I need a man after God's own heart, and who to better pick out that man for me than God Himself?
As I search for a church home, I know it will be difficult, but I know that I will grow in my relationship with Him, and that is what truly counts!
Hope you all have a fabulous day!
Coming off my high
"For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind." -2 Timothy 1:7
Hello all! Today is a beautiful day outside! I am stuck inside at work however, but I know that I should be thanking God for providing me a job to come home to instead of complaining being here till 11pm .
So today was rather interesting. Unfortunately, my 6:50am alarm did not go off in time for me to get to that extra 8am church service this morning. I was really bummed. I had been looking forward to it all week and I ended up waking up on my own around 7 till 8am. As frustrated as I was, God did give me that extra time this morning to help me become a responsible adult/ Christian. I turned on my TV, which I get a whopping 3 channels because I can't afford cable, and Meet the Press was on this morning. Lately as I've gone through the realization of maturing, I discovered that I really knew almost nothing about my country's politics and current affairs. Despite the fact that I wasn't able to make it to the Lutheran church this morning, I still got to go to my church "job", and learn a bit more about my country. God knew that I had an unknown need to learn about what's going on in my country. How can I expect to serve my Lord and Savior if I don't know what's going on in the world around me? I need to make myself be more aware, be a better listener.
I am comming off of the high I felt in KCMO about having a new understanding of my faith/ revise the way I was living my life. It kind of scares me, because I know that this is when I will be most vulnerable to falling back into old habits and ignoring what God pointed out to me. But I also know that I can't base my faith on my emotional status alone. Emotions are fickle and if one focuses too much on how they feel, they loose site of the fact that our faith is the core of who we are, not how we feel about faith. Have you ever heard the phrase, "Keep the main point the main point"? It's so true with our faith. I can catch myself falling into the emotional part of faith and only focusing on that. When we focus only on our emotions, we loose our focus. Christ should always be our focus, not our emotional tie to Him. I'm not saying that our emotional tie to Him isn't important, it is, but it's not the main point.
God can use our emotions to bring us close to Him, but Satan can also use our emotions against us. Right now I'm starting to feel back at home and in the swing of things before I left for OIO. The emotional high that I had with God at my parents house is wearing off more and more everyday. Part of that is that God has answered my prayer and taken away my fears about death, at least at this time in my life, I'm sure they will arise again. God has also allowed me to keep myself busy so I'm not alone and able to have those fears. I'm at work where I'm helping people for the majority of my shift. I'm back with my friends. God has given me these wonderful gifts of comfort. He's helped me to have a possitive outlook on life and how I should approach the precious time He's given me.
Here's where the not so good side of my emotions comes into play. Yesterday and today I've had thoughts that what if I'm doubting God since I don't feel as close to Him as I did in KC? Am I loosing my faith? Am I going back into my old bad habits? The answer is simple, no I am NOT loosing my faith.
******Extremely powerful words of comfort to follow******
"My Father, who has given them to Me, is greater than all; and no one is able to snatch them out of My Father's hand." -John 10:29
"Being confident of this very thing, that He who has begun a good work in you will complete it until the day of Jesus Christ." -Philippians 1:6
"Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for He who promised is faithful. And let us consider one another in order to stir up love and good works." -Hebrews 10:23-24
"He gives power to the weak, and to those who have no might He increases strength. Even the youths shall faint and be weary, and the young men shall utterly fall, but those who wait on the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles, they shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint." -Isaiah 40:29-31
"For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind." -2 Timothy 1:7
"Be of good courage, and He shall strenthen your heart, all you who hope in the Lord." -Psalm 31:24
"Wait on the Lord; be of good courage, and He shall strengthen your heart; wait, I say, on the Lord!" -Psalm 27:13-14
"Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus." -Philippians 4:6-7
"Let not your heart be troubled; you believe in God, believe also in Me...Peace I leave with you, My peace I give to you; not as the world give do I give to you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid." -John 14:1,27
"But now, thus says the Lord, who created you, O Jacob, and He who formed you, O Israel; 'Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by your name; you are Mine." -Isaiah 43:1
"For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities nor powers, nor things present nor things to come, nor height nor depth, nor any other created thing, shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord." -Romans 8:38-39
"There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves torment. But he who fears has not been made perfect in love." -1 John 4:18
How powerful are those words? VERY! Basically in short, my faith was given to me by God, who is eternally faithful. As a Christian, we will have our spiritual and human nature constantly struggling with each other. Since my life, my soul, and my faith are God's, and as the first scripture example stated nothing can snatch them out of the Father's hand. Which means that I can't fear myself out of God's control and protection. What I call my soul and my faith, in reality aren't mine, they're God's. He is more powerful than Satan, and certainly more powerful than my fears. Even as I write this I have a peace about going into this semester. God promised His peace which surpasses all understanding, which is truly the best way to describe it. I know that going into this upcoming school year will be the easiest time to backslide, but I know that God will give me the strength and the tools I need to overcome temptation. What a comfort to know that we can't seperate ourselves from the love of God, even by our own fear .
Dear Lord, thank you for constantly giving strength to my weak and sinful spirit. You are such a compassionate and caring Father and I'm not worthy of the love that you have shown me. I know that as a sinful human being I can let my emotions get the best of me, help me to keep my faith the main point. I'm so blessed to have a Father that will let nothing seperate me from your eternal love!
God Bless you all!
Hello all! Today is a beautiful day outside! I am stuck inside at work however, but I know that I should be thanking God for providing me a job to come home to instead of complaining being here till 11pm .
So today was rather interesting. Unfortunately, my 6:50am alarm did not go off in time for me to get to that extra 8am church service this morning. I was really bummed. I had been looking forward to it all week and I ended up waking up on my own around 7 till 8am. As frustrated as I was, God did give me that extra time this morning to help me become a responsible adult/ Christian. I turned on my TV, which I get a whopping 3 channels because I can't afford cable, and Meet the Press was on this morning. Lately as I've gone through the realization of maturing, I discovered that I really knew almost nothing about my country's politics and current affairs. Despite the fact that I wasn't able to make it to the Lutheran church this morning, I still got to go to my church "job", and learn a bit more about my country. God knew that I had an unknown need to learn about what's going on in my country. How can I expect to serve my Lord and Savior if I don't know what's going on in the world around me? I need to make myself be more aware, be a better listener.
I am comming off of the high I felt in KCMO about having a new understanding of my faith/ revise the way I was living my life. It kind of scares me, because I know that this is when I will be most vulnerable to falling back into old habits and ignoring what God pointed out to me. But I also know that I can't base my faith on my emotional status alone. Emotions are fickle and if one focuses too much on how they feel, they loose site of the fact that our faith is the core of who we are, not how we feel about faith. Have you ever heard the phrase, "Keep the main point the main point"? It's so true with our faith. I can catch myself falling into the emotional part of faith and only focusing on that. When we focus only on our emotions, we loose our focus. Christ should always be our focus, not our emotional tie to Him. I'm not saying that our emotional tie to Him isn't important, it is, but it's not the main point.
God can use our emotions to bring us close to Him, but Satan can also use our emotions against us. Right now I'm starting to feel back at home and in the swing of things before I left for OIO. The emotional high that I had with God at my parents house is wearing off more and more everyday. Part of that is that God has answered my prayer and taken away my fears about death, at least at this time in my life, I'm sure they will arise again. God has also allowed me to keep myself busy so I'm not alone and able to have those fears. I'm at work where I'm helping people for the majority of my shift. I'm back with my friends. God has given me these wonderful gifts of comfort. He's helped me to have a possitive outlook on life and how I should approach the precious time He's given me.
Here's where the not so good side of my emotions comes into play. Yesterday and today I've had thoughts that what if I'm doubting God since I don't feel as close to Him as I did in KC? Am I loosing my faith? Am I going back into my old bad habits? The answer is simple, no I am NOT loosing my faith.
******Extremely powerful words of comfort to follow******
"My Father, who has given them to Me, is greater than all; and no one is able to snatch them out of My Father's hand." -John 10:29
"Being confident of this very thing, that He who has begun a good work in you will complete it until the day of Jesus Christ." -Philippians 1:6
"Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for He who promised is faithful. And let us consider one another in order to stir up love and good works." -Hebrews 10:23-24
"He gives power to the weak, and to those who have no might He increases strength. Even the youths shall faint and be weary, and the young men shall utterly fall, but those who wait on the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles, they shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint." -Isaiah 40:29-31
"For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind." -2 Timothy 1:7
"Be of good courage, and He shall strenthen your heart, all you who hope in the Lord." -Psalm 31:24
"Wait on the Lord; be of good courage, and He shall strengthen your heart; wait, I say, on the Lord!" -Psalm 27:13-14
"Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus." -Philippians 4:6-7
"Let not your heart be troubled; you believe in God, believe also in Me...Peace I leave with you, My peace I give to you; not as the world give do I give to you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid." -John 14:1,27
"But now, thus says the Lord, who created you, O Jacob, and He who formed you, O Israel; 'Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by your name; you are Mine." -Isaiah 43:1
"For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities nor powers, nor things present nor things to come, nor height nor depth, nor any other created thing, shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord." -Romans 8:38-39
"There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves torment. But he who fears has not been made perfect in love." -1 John 4:18
How powerful are those words? VERY! Basically in short, my faith was given to me by God, who is eternally faithful. As a Christian, we will have our spiritual and human nature constantly struggling with each other. Since my life, my soul, and my faith are God's, and as the first scripture example stated nothing can snatch them out of the Father's hand. Which means that I can't fear myself out of God's control and protection. What I call my soul and my faith, in reality aren't mine, they're God's. He is more powerful than Satan, and certainly more powerful than my fears. Even as I write this I have a peace about going into this semester. God promised His peace which surpasses all understanding, which is truly the best way to describe it. I know that going into this upcoming school year will be the easiest time to backslide, but I know that God will give me the strength and the tools I need to overcome temptation. What a comfort to know that we can't seperate ourselves from the love of God, even by our own fear .
Dear Lord, thank you for constantly giving strength to my weak and sinful spirit. You are such a compassionate and caring Father and I'm not worthy of the love that you have shown me. I know that as a sinful human being I can let my emotions get the best of me, help me to keep my faith the main point. I'm so blessed to have a Father that will let nothing seperate me from your eternal love!
God Bless you all!
Elijah Anyone?
So I am back in Wichita and currently working at ye ol' inn until 11pm, which means internet access and plenty of time to write a faith blog.
My family has been huge Chuck Swindoll fans for years. We love listening to his messages on the radio. I came across his online daily bible study sites www.christianity.com decided to look at the topic for this week's study. It's over Elijah. It's a fun connection that God gave me, I sang in the Elijah oratorio last semester in school, so these devotionals really hit home as I focused more on the scripture. Elijah was God's servant, but he was human just like us. He screwed up, and the comforting thing to read about was that he made the mistake of running in fear. For months I had struggled with thoughts/ fears of the future, of my mortality, and of the unknown. What a comfort it is that God put in an example for me to read about. One of His servants who struggled with the same fears I do. God can use us despite our sinful defects. So in other words, we aren't useless, He can use our defects to speak to others. What a way to salvage ey? Ha ha....God doesn't give up on us because our human nature takes over, he uses all of our parts the good and the bad for His purposes. Neato! But here's the kicker from the Bible study for me:
"Do you live expectantly? Do the little things excite you? Do you imagine the improbable and expect the impossible? Life is full and running over with opportunities to see God's hand in little things. Only the most sensitive of His servants see them, smile, and live on tiptoe.
Children can teach us a lot about this kind of expectancy. Did you ever listen to a child pray? Their faith knows no bounds. And who are the least surprised people when God answers prayer? The children.
As we get older we grow too sophisticated for that. We use phrases like, "Let's be realistic about this." We lose that expectancy, that urgency of hope, that delightful, childlike, wide-eyed joy of faith that keeps us full of anticipation and excitement. May God deliver us from a grim, stoic, stale shrug of the shoulders! "Look, I haven't changed," He says. "I still delight in doing impossible things. I love to surprise you!"
Day by Day, Charles Swindoll, July 2005, Thomas Nelson, inc., Nashville, Tennessee. All rights reserved. Purchase "Day by Day" here.
What Swindoll said really hit home for me....kind of what I was talking about in the last entry, being the little ADHD dog for God. We should never stop marveling at the works of His hands. We should never be surprised at having our prayers answered. At this point, I'm comming off of the high I felt in KCMO, but I'm not going back to how I used to be. I'm still me, but a revised version if you will. One of the first thoughts that has gone through my mind, if not the very first thought when I wake up is, "I have been given another day. More precious time from God to do His bidding. Thank you!" If there is one thing that I've learned over the past week it is to be grateful for EVERYTHING!!!!! I have a whole new sense of wonder and appriciation of the world around me, for time, for people that I've met or will meet, the intricacy of His creation: plants, animals, people, etc.
It doesn't take an idiot to know that this universe didn't come into existance because of a big explosion. There are so many tiny intricate details in every work He created. An explosion destroys, God creates. I'm an extremely detail oriented person, but God has truly out done Himself :). And you have to admit that He has a pretty great sense of humor when you look at animals in particular. Let me give you some of my favorite examples: duckbilled platypus, hamster, caterpillar, otters, penguins, lamas...the list keeps going. I really can't help but picture Him with the best sense of humor, laughing constantly at the enjoyment of His creation.
With that in mind, just going to tie this in with something said to me at work tonight. I asked a guest if there was aything else I could do after making their reservation, to which they responded, "No, thank you too much." At first I though, well that was weird. But I thought about it again. That is the attitude we should have towards God, thank you too much! We should stop asking for all of these things. We have turned into such a gimmie gimmie society that we forget how grateful we should be. So yes, next time you pray, follow my new found ways of praying. Had this one given to me at a church I sang for this summer:
A.C.T.S.- Adoration, Confession, Thanksgiving, Supplication
I found that by the time I did the first 3 steps, I really had close to nothing to ask for myself. It's a very humbling thing, but I highly recommend it!!!
To end this faith blog, I would like to end with a quote that my dad reminded me of. We used to have a magnet of this on our fridge:
"Coincidence is when God chooses to remain anonymous"
and since there was no claim on the quote, I guess that would make it anonymous . God Bless!
My family has been huge Chuck Swindoll fans for years. We love listening to his messages on the radio. I came across his online daily bible study sites www.christianity.com decided to look at the topic for this week's study. It's over Elijah. It's a fun connection that God gave me, I sang in the Elijah oratorio last semester in school, so these devotionals really hit home as I focused more on the scripture. Elijah was God's servant, but he was human just like us. He screwed up, and the comforting thing to read about was that he made the mistake of running in fear. For months I had struggled with thoughts/ fears of the future, of my mortality, and of the unknown. What a comfort it is that God put in an example for me to read about. One of His servants who struggled with the same fears I do. God can use us despite our sinful defects. So in other words, we aren't useless, He can use our defects to speak to others. What a way to salvage ey? Ha ha....God doesn't give up on us because our human nature takes over, he uses all of our parts the good and the bad for His purposes. Neato! But here's the kicker from the Bible study for me:
"Do you live expectantly? Do the little things excite you? Do you imagine the improbable and expect the impossible? Life is full and running over with opportunities to see God's hand in little things. Only the most sensitive of His servants see them, smile, and live on tiptoe.
Children can teach us a lot about this kind of expectancy. Did you ever listen to a child pray? Their faith knows no bounds. And who are the least surprised people when God answers prayer? The children.
As we get older we grow too sophisticated for that. We use phrases like, "Let's be realistic about this." We lose that expectancy, that urgency of hope, that delightful, childlike, wide-eyed joy of faith that keeps us full of anticipation and excitement. May God deliver us from a grim, stoic, stale shrug of the shoulders! "Look, I haven't changed," He says. "I still delight in doing impossible things. I love to surprise you!"
Day by Day, Charles Swindoll, July 2005, Thomas Nelson, inc., Nashville, Tennessee. All rights reserved. Purchase "Day by Day" here.
What Swindoll said really hit home for me....kind of what I was talking about in the last entry, being the little ADHD dog for God. We should never stop marveling at the works of His hands. We should never be surprised at having our prayers answered. At this point, I'm comming off of the high I felt in KCMO, but I'm not going back to how I used to be. I'm still me, but a revised version if you will. One of the first thoughts that has gone through my mind, if not the very first thought when I wake up is, "I have been given another day. More precious time from God to do His bidding. Thank you!" If there is one thing that I've learned over the past week it is to be grateful for EVERYTHING!!!!! I have a whole new sense of wonder and appriciation of the world around me, for time, for people that I've met or will meet, the intricacy of His creation: plants, animals, people, etc.
It doesn't take an idiot to know that this universe didn't come into existance because of a big explosion. There are so many tiny intricate details in every work He created. An explosion destroys, God creates. I'm an extremely detail oriented person, but God has truly out done Himself :). And you have to admit that He has a pretty great sense of humor when you look at animals in particular. Let me give you some of my favorite examples: duckbilled platypus, hamster, caterpillar, otters, penguins, lamas...the list keeps going. I really can't help but picture Him with the best sense of humor, laughing constantly at the enjoyment of His creation.
With that in mind, just going to tie this in with something said to me at work tonight. I asked a guest if there was aything else I could do after making their reservation, to which they responded, "No, thank you too much." At first I though, well that was weird. But I thought about it again. That is the attitude we should have towards God, thank you too much! We should stop asking for all of these things. We have turned into such a gimmie gimmie society that we forget how grateful we should be. So yes, next time you pray, follow my new found ways of praying. Had this one given to me at a church I sang for this summer:
A.C.T.S.- Adoration, Confession, Thanksgiving, Supplication
I found that by the time I did the first 3 steps, I really had close to nothing to ask for myself. It's a very humbling thing, but I highly recommend it!!!
To end this faith blog, I would like to end with a quote that my dad reminded me of. We used to have a magnet of this on our fridge:
"Coincidence is when God chooses to remain anonymous"
and since there was no claim on the quote, I guess that would make it anonymous . God Bless!
Faith Blog: Revelations from God
Well, as many of you can see based on the title of this blog, I have officially decided to make this my faith blog. From now on this blog, I hope, will be a daily journal of my walk and revelations from God that He shows me through out my day and walk with Him. This one will be rather a random and possibly long entry, so just know that the reason is because of all the excitement and wonder I feel because of His presence.
First things first...I have decided to quit one of my church jobs. I love the people there, but I know that I need to be fed. I have been malnurished for several years now because I took a job instead of finding a church home with fellow believers and being fed with God's word. So that being said....I will then have my Wednesday nights and every other Sunday morning completely free to go to church and biblestudy. On the Sundays that I work at the other church job, I can go to an 8am service at a Lutheran church. Despite the fact that I'm going to more than likely be going to 2 different churches, I'm okay with it for now. I am also looking at getting together a women's biblestudy group for a Monday or Tuesday night. And on a random side note, I'm going to paint scripture all over my bedroom walls. I did pay a $50 redecorating fee and I am allowed to paint whatever color I want in my apartment, so why not. It will be constant reminders of God's mercy, promises, grace, and countless blessings.
I STILL can't put down His Word.
"For you were like sheep going astray, but have now returned to the Shepherd and Overseer of your souls." - 1 Peter 2:25
"My soul melts from heaviness; strengthen me according to Your word." -Psalm 119:28
And my personal favorite two gifts of the day-
"That the genuineness of your faith, being much more precious than gold that perishes, though it is tested by fire, may be found to praise, honor, and glory at the revelation of Jesus Christ, whom having not seen you love. Though now you do not see Him, yet believing, you rejoice with joy inexpressible and full of glory, receiving the end of your faith-the salvation of your souls." -1 Peter1:7-9
"For we walk by faith, not by sight." - 2 Corinthians 5:7
How about those words of comfort and promise? Pretty amazing ey? My mother gave me a book that my dad gave to her. It's Precious Bible Promises and I've carried it with me everywhere since I got it. Even though I still have inner struggles with fear about what the future may bring and my mortality, I just know that these thoughts aren't of God. I pull out that book and read those promises and words of comfort and guidance that I so desperately crave. I have cried sooooooooo much in these past few days. These have been tears of many a mixed emotion. I've cried out of fear, repentance, joy, thanksgiving, and sometimes just being in awe of His presence and almighty power.
I can't tell you how changed I feel. Remember in my last post when I had said I wanted to grow little again, well I just did. I feel the way I used to feel when I was in elementary school, but in a whole new magnified level. Yes I grew up in a Christian home and I loved the Lord and could rattle off Bible verses. But now that I'm maturing and becoming more of an adult, these precious words have such a new meaning for me. The tears are welling up yet again for the 3rd time today as I write this. It's a mix of emotion. Shame for how far I'd pushed myself away from Him and how I really have not been leading the life He requires of me, tears from being grateful for hitting me over the head with a frying pan, if you will, and allowing me to see my need for Him...how DESPERATELY I need Him....tears of thanksgiving for my amazing family, parents, former teachers that I spent time with today, for my little sister and my goddaughter, for precious time that I've been given with these people, and last but definitely not least tears of awe of His majesty. The scripture that touches the depths of my soul that give me such comfort. I am so unworthy of such a love, but that is grace :) which humbles me all the more.
He gave me a fantastic metaphore today. As some of you know my family owns 2 cats here in KCMO, Shadow and Callie. Shadow was "my" cat and Callie was my sister's cat. The atypical expression involving cats is that we don't own cats, we are their slave, which if you have ever truly known a cat's nature, it's spot on! My little sister was dog sitting for a friend of the family's this weekend while I've been home, a little Yorkie named Oliver. I've dog sat before and they require so much more attention than cats. Cats are extremely independent. You can call them all day but they won't come to you until they are good and ready. But this little dog was sooooooooo needy! He was always running around my little sister and the rest of our family, wanting to play, wanting to cuddle, go to the bathroom, be fed, or just flat out be near us. Our cats go to the bathroom on their own, can go days without seeing us, and will only come when they want to be cuddled. It hit me today how this image is such a strong one of my faith recently. I was a cat for the longest time; extremely independent, could "take care of myself", and wouldn't do anything till I was ready to. Honestly, I need to be more like a dog, as odd as it sounds, haha....I need to be dependent on God for EVERYTHING! For my spiritual food, for the playtime or joy in my life, to have him take me so I can be relieved, and always want to be touched by Him and be in His presence. When an owner calls their dog, the dog comes running, at least more so than I've seen cats run to their owners. When God calls if I'm not where He wants me to be, I should come running!!! That's the kind of energy I should live my life with....be the ADHD little dog for God, he he. I need to be in His Word DAILY and follow my conscience/heart which is the Holy Spirit working in me so that I can fufill the plan He has for my life.
It was said to me by a dear family friend while I was here that God put me here for a specific purpose that only I can do and if I am focused on my thoughts of fear, the job won't get done.
So that being said, goals to strive for with God's help:
*Stop focusing on fears, be in His Word daily, find new church home/ put in notice at old job, lead the life God wants me to lead, talk to Him all the time, discover what His plan is for me and follow it with a whole heart
That being all written, kudos to you all who read this, brava! I'm off to sleep secure in my faith. God bless you and keep you!
First things first...I have decided to quit one of my church jobs. I love the people there, but I know that I need to be fed. I have been malnurished for several years now because I took a job instead of finding a church home with fellow believers and being fed with God's word. So that being said....I will then have my Wednesday nights and every other Sunday morning completely free to go to church and biblestudy. On the Sundays that I work at the other church job, I can go to an 8am service at a Lutheran church. Despite the fact that I'm going to more than likely be going to 2 different churches, I'm okay with it for now. I am also looking at getting together a women's biblestudy group for a Monday or Tuesday night. And on a random side note, I'm going to paint scripture all over my bedroom walls. I did pay a $50 redecorating fee and I am allowed to paint whatever color I want in my apartment, so why not. It will be constant reminders of God's mercy, promises, grace, and countless blessings.
I STILL can't put down His Word.
"For you were like sheep going astray, but have now returned to the Shepherd and Overseer of your souls." - 1 Peter 2:25
"My soul melts from heaviness; strengthen me according to Your word." -Psalm 119:28
And my personal favorite two gifts of the day-
"That the genuineness of your faith, being much more precious than gold that perishes, though it is tested by fire, may be found to praise, honor, and glory at the revelation of Jesus Christ, whom having not seen you love. Though now you do not see Him, yet believing, you rejoice with joy inexpressible and full of glory, receiving the end of your faith-the salvation of your souls." -1 Peter1:7-9
"For we walk by faith, not by sight." - 2 Corinthians 5:7
How about those words of comfort and promise? Pretty amazing ey? My mother gave me a book that my dad gave to her. It's Precious Bible Promises and I've carried it with me everywhere since I got it. Even though I still have inner struggles with fear about what the future may bring and my mortality, I just know that these thoughts aren't of God. I pull out that book and read those promises and words of comfort and guidance that I so desperately crave. I have cried sooooooooo much in these past few days. These have been tears of many a mixed emotion. I've cried out of fear, repentance, joy, thanksgiving, and sometimes just being in awe of His presence and almighty power.
I can't tell you how changed I feel. Remember in my last post when I had said I wanted to grow little again, well I just did. I feel the way I used to feel when I was in elementary school, but in a whole new magnified level. Yes I grew up in a Christian home and I loved the Lord and could rattle off Bible verses. But now that I'm maturing and becoming more of an adult, these precious words have such a new meaning for me. The tears are welling up yet again for the 3rd time today as I write this. It's a mix of emotion. Shame for how far I'd pushed myself away from Him and how I really have not been leading the life He requires of me, tears from being grateful for hitting me over the head with a frying pan, if you will, and allowing me to see my need for Him...how DESPERATELY I need Him....tears of thanksgiving for my amazing family, parents, former teachers that I spent time with today, for my little sister and my goddaughter, for precious time that I've been given with these people, and last but definitely not least tears of awe of His majesty. The scripture that touches the depths of my soul that give me such comfort. I am so unworthy of such a love, but that is grace :) which humbles me all the more.
He gave me a fantastic metaphore today. As some of you know my family owns 2 cats here in KCMO, Shadow and Callie. Shadow was "my" cat and Callie was my sister's cat. The atypical expression involving cats is that we don't own cats, we are their slave, which if you have ever truly known a cat's nature, it's spot on! My little sister was dog sitting for a friend of the family's this weekend while I've been home, a little Yorkie named Oliver. I've dog sat before and they require so much more attention than cats. Cats are extremely independent. You can call them all day but they won't come to you until they are good and ready. But this little dog was sooooooooo needy! He was always running around my little sister and the rest of our family, wanting to play, wanting to cuddle, go to the bathroom, be fed, or just flat out be near us. Our cats go to the bathroom on their own, can go days without seeing us, and will only come when they want to be cuddled. It hit me today how this image is such a strong one of my faith recently. I was a cat for the longest time; extremely independent, could "take care of myself", and wouldn't do anything till I was ready to. Honestly, I need to be more like a dog, as odd as it sounds, haha....I need to be dependent on God for EVERYTHING! For my spiritual food, for the playtime or joy in my life, to have him take me so I can be relieved, and always want to be touched by Him and be in His presence. When an owner calls their dog, the dog comes running, at least more so than I've seen cats run to their owners. When God calls if I'm not where He wants me to be, I should come running!!! That's the kind of energy I should live my life with....be the ADHD little dog for God, he he. I need to be in His Word DAILY and follow my conscience/heart which is the Holy Spirit working in me so that I can fufill the plan He has for my life.
It was said to me by a dear family friend while I was here that God put me here for a specific purpose that only I can do and if I am focused on my thoughts of fear, the job won't get done.
So that being said, goals to strive for with God's help:
*Stop focusing on fears, be in His Word daily, find new church home/ put in notice at old job, lead the life God wants me to lead, talk to Him all the time, discover what His plan is for me and follow it with a whole heart
That being all written, kudos to you all who read this, brava! I'm off to sleep secure in my faith. God bless you and keep you!
Some Serious Soul Searching...
Alrighty, ye be warned this will most likely be a very long entry, but a really important one for me so I hope that you will all read. Here goes...
So as most of you know I went to the Opera in the Ozarks program this summer/ had my 21st birthday/ will be looking at graduate schools next year, in other words, much more maturing. Also for the past few months I've really been struggling with obsessive thoughts about death after I went to a lecture by a pastor/visited this pastor's church. I've been trying to find a church home here in Wichita during this last semester but without finding one that I've felt at home with. It's been a long process and I've finally decided to look outside the Lutheran churches because the ones that I've tried don't seem right for me. And for the past few months I've spent so much of my time and energy thinking about death that it's gotten to the point where I am shaking and it keeps me from getting to sleep at night. This isn't healthy and I've felt that something has been missing in my life. For a long time I though it was finding a guy who will love me, so I dated off and on, but none of them felt right no matter how many times I tried to convince myself. I felt so alone, no matter how many people might be around me.
It finally hit me why I was having all of these feelings. I have not put God in the place He needs to be in my life. I've ended up distancing myself from Him. It started in my later high school years and only got worse during college. I lived on the fine arts floor my freshman year at WSU and the worse word I used was crap and after living there for 3 months I was cussing like a sailor. I've taken church jobs but never found a church home here in Wichita. I've been so humbled the few days that I've been home. I have always tried to control everything I can, but then I realized...I HAVE NO CONTROL. It's a very scary but humbling thing to realize. I remember how time used to take forever when I was little and all I wanted to do was grow up and that death only happened to old people. In an ironic case, I really want to stop time and grow little again when things seemed simple, but obviously that is impossible. And I've also realized that my life isn't mine, it's His and He may see fit to take me at anytime. Death does apply to me now, not later....
I feel so empowered by the Holy Spirit. I have the hardest time putting my Bible DOWN! I can never remember clinging to my heavenly Father like this before. I hunger for his righteousness and his word, what I'd like to call His love letters to me. I'm dating again, but not with the men of this world. I'm dating the Lord of my heart. He is the love of my life and has never lied to me, cheated on me, or forgotten me. He talkes to me every day in His word. He wants me to talk to Him everyday. He gave me life and the blessings of a wonderful family, friends, and the gift of music. He knows my soul inside and out, even better than I know myself. And as for my two greatest fears, dying and being alone, He did them both...He died alone with all of the sin of the world on His shoulders so that I would never have to. Yes we are all promised an earthly death, but I know that I will live with Him eternally and doing one of my favorite things, singing His praises for all eternity.
It is amazing how different I feel. He has helped me to stop cussing for the few days that I've been here at home with my amazing family in KCMO. He has helped me realize how much I've misjudged my mother. My mother is one of the most amazing women I will ever know. She has loved me more deeply that I can ever imagine and prays for my well being daily. And my dad, I could never imagine having anyone else that is supposed to resemble my relationship with my heavenly father. My dad is such a godly man. He walks humbly with his Lord and it shows in the way he lives his life and how he cares for his children and his wife. I HAVE SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO MUCH TO BE GRATEFUL FOR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm still evaluating things in my life, but now that I've taken the time to have some perspective I know that God will show me the way. I've been looking at getting my masters in music education. God has given me a desire to nurture, and maybe his plan isn't for me to perform opera, maybe I'm supposed to teach. I feel that I have so much care and such a desire to nurture, to help others. I have been increadibly selfish thus far in my life, and especially in college. I want to be plyable so that God will use me for His purpose, not my own. I love life and I'm so excited for what God has instore for me. To Him be all the glory.
So as most of you know I went to the Opera in the Ozarks program this summer/ had my 21st birthday/ will be looking at graduate schools next year, in other words, much more maturing. Also for the past few months I've really been struggling with obsessive thoughts about death after I went to a lecture by a pastor/visited this pastor's church. I've been trying to find a church home here in Wichita during this last semester but without finding one that I've felt at home with. It's been a long process and I've finally decided to look outside the Lutheran churches because the ones that I've tried don't seem right for me. And for the past few months I've spent so much of my time and energy thinking about death that it's gotten to the point where I am shaking and it keeps me from getting to sleep at night. This isn't healthy and I've felt that something has been missing in my life. For a long time I though it was finding a guy who will love me, so I dated off and on, but none of them felt right no matter how many times I tried to convince myself. I felt so alone, no matter how many people might be around me.
It finally hit me why I was having all of these feelings. I have not put God in the place He needs to be in my life. I've ended up distancing myself from Him. It started in my later high school years and only got worse during college. I lived on the fine arts floor my freshman year at WSU and the worse word I used was crap and after living there for 3 months I was cussing like a sailor. I've taken church jobs but never found a church home here in Wichita. I've been so humbled the few days that I've been home. I have always tried to control everything I can, but then I realized...I HAVE NO CONTROL. It's a very scary but humbling thing to realize. I remember how time used to take forever when I was little and all I wanted to do was grow up and that death only happened to old people. In an ironic case, I really want to stop time and grow little again when things seemed simple, but obviously that is impossible. And I've also realized that my life isn't mine, it's His and He may see fit to take me at anytime. Death does apply to me now, not later....
I feel so empowered by the Holy Spirit. I have the hardest time putting my Bible DOWN! I can never remember clinging to my heavenly Father like this before. I hunger for his righteousness and his word, what I'd like to call His love letters to me. I'm dating again, but not with the men of this world. I'm dating the Lord of my heart. He is the love of my life and has never lied to me, cheated on me, or forgotten me. He talkes to me every day in His word. He wants me to talk to Him everyday. He gave me life and the blessings of a wonderful family, friends, and the gift of music. He knows my soul inside and out, even better than I know myself. And as for my two greatest fears, dying and being alone, He did them both...He died alone with all of the sin of the world on His shoulders so that I would never have to. Yes we are all promised an earthly death, but I know that I will live with Him eternally and doing one of my favorite things, singing His praises for all eternity.
It is amazing how different I feel. He has helped me to stop cussing for the few days that I've been here at home with my amazing family in KCMO. He has helped me realize how much I've misjudged my mother. My mother is one of the most amazing women I will ever know. She has loved me more deeply that I can ever imagine and prays for my well being daily. And my dad, I could never imagine having anyone else that is supposed to resemble my relationship with my heavenly father. My dad is such a godly man. He walks humbly with his Lord and it shows in the way he lives his life and how he cares for his children and his wife. I HAVE SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO MUCH TO BE GRATEFUL FOR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm still evaluating things in my life, but now that I've taken the time to have some perspective I know that God will show me the way. I've been looking at getting my masters in music education. God has given me a desire to nurture, and maybe his plan isn't for me to perform opera, maybe I'm supposed to teach. I feel that I have so much care and such a desire to nurture, to help others. I have been increadibly selfish thus far in my life, and especially in college. I want to be plyable so that God will use me for His purpose, not my own. I love life and I'm so excited for what God has instore for me. To Him be all the glory.
Saturday, June 13, 2009
Moving to blogspot!
Hello all! I am moving to blogspot from Myspace....all around, blogspot is a much friendlier environment :)
Due to frustrating computer issues at the moment, I can not move my old posts from my previous faith blog page to this one...however, I will hopefully get them moved tomorrow and add on to them from there. I look forward to a great start here on Blogspot!
Due to frustrating computer issues at the moment, I can not move my old posts from my previous faith blog page to this one...however, I will hopefully get them moved tomorrow and add on to them from there. I look forward to a great start here on Blogspot!
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